by S. Mills

Created on: March 19, 2007   Last Updated: May 18, 2007

Is it a dirty little secret when a parent shows favoritism? Many times, you'll see parents who readily admit that they like one child better than the other(s). When a parent strongly favors one over the other, it's generally not a big secret. Children are quite intuitive and will pick up on this. Both the child that is liked the least and the favored child will know the difference. This can create hurt and resentment not only between parent and child but also between siblings.

Some parents also say, "I love my children the same but I just like' one better." This is merely semantics. If you do feel this way deep, down inside, this is something you need to work on and something you need to keep to yourself. It is not something that should ever be expressed aloud or shown through your actions. You should actively attempt to treat your children fairly and equally. Even suspected favoritism can be problematic, but blatant favoritism can inflict very real and often permanent damage.

Don't talk about preferring one child over the other. Don't whisper it on the phone when you don't think they're paying attention (they are). Don't discuss it with one child in secret thinking it will remain a secret (it won't). Don't write it down in notes or online forums, even if you think your child will never see it. You have no guarantee that he or she won't. Why take such a chance?

Most of all, never discuss this issue with the child you like least out of some twisted sense of "openness." Brutal honesty is never shared out of concern for the person on the receiving end. It's a tool we use to confess our own guilt, get things off our chests, or make ourselves feel better at someone else's expense.

Love your children as equally as possible. All too soon they won't be children any more.

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