by Felicia Arnold

Created on: July 19, 2011   Last Updated: July 20, 2011

It has been said over and over again: Divorce is difficult on the kids.  It does not matter if the child is 5 or 15, he or she will be affected by the divorce. There are several common concerns which can be addressed.

STRAIN- Everyone in your home has felt the strain before and during the divorce. Your child will want to know where will they live?  Will he/she have their own room?  Can they keep the pet?  Your goal is to bring a sense of peace back into the home.

STRESS- There is good stress and bad stress, unfortunately all stress seems bad during a divorce.  Talk to your child about the changes which will be occurring.  If they are old enough have them share in some of the decision making.  Financial stress is quite prevalent in divorce cases.  Find a way to show that as a new family you can adjust to the changes when you all work together.  

STABILITY- Your child needs to believe that there will be a new, but stable normalcy at home.  Explain how visitations will be established with the parent who no longer lives in the home.  If there is a tradition, such as ball games on Saturday, explain that this can continue.  Make certain that if you or your former spouse promise to do something with your child, keep that promise!  It is important that your child continues to have faith in each of you.

SECURITY- Your child deserves to feel safe and secure with the new family dynamics.  Their welfare comes first!  Make sure they feel safe in their new home or in the home they enjoyed before the divorce. Both parents need to address any concerns which cause your child to feel uncomfortable.

SUCCESS- Success can be achieved by remembering that your child did not ask for this divorce...the adults did. Remember to conduct family meetings whenever any family member has an issue which causes some difficulty.  Put your child's welfare first, and explain that sometimes adults need to make major changes in their lives, however, their love for their child will always be paramount.

Finally, remember that these are children we are talking about.  They do not have to hear about issues which concern adults.  Do not put more on their plate than they can handle.  There are times when they may hurt your feelings with their angry comments.  They are just letting out the pain they are suppressing. Take a breath and talk to your child...never close the line of communication and you will all have a good life.

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