by Carol Dunn

Created on: July 18, 2011

Even more disturbing than this being the road to nowhere, it was unfortunately the road to somewhere.  And we had to drive to that place.  It only took a few minutes for me to name it Rocking Horse Road.  This road had some definite dip issues.  Whether they involved water or badger tunnels or poor soils, this was one of the bounciest roads I’ve ever been on.  It was heave and lurch for miles on end.

The pavement was cracked, sealed, patched, repaved in spots, and for the ultimate insult – it was pink.  One might insist that it was faded red, but I’m sticking with pink. 

I was so impressed by Rocking Horse Road, I made up a list of “must do’s” for travel on it: 

1.  Go to the bathroom before you experience it.  If you don’t, you’ll be sorry, because somewhere along the way you’ll have to go, and each dip will just make it worse.  Since there are no trees for fifty miles in any direction, you’ll be forced to stop along the way and try to hide behind a fence post to go. 

2.  Drive slower than the speed limit.  Certain stretches of this road have a speed limit of 65.  But this is a dastardly trick.  If you dare drive 65 on Rocking Horse Road you’ll be sorry.  You’ll be cruising along enjoying the rural countryside when WHAM!  You hit one of these dips and your fifth-wheel trailer goes airborne.  That is NOT a good feeling.  That is when the wife hits the husband with her purse and says, “I TOLD you to slow down!”  And the kids scream, “WE’RE GONNA DIE!” 

3.  Watch the speed limit signs.  You’ll be driving along at 65, when the speed limit will change to 40.  Then it will change to 50 and then it will change to 35.  Then back to 65.  The scenery along this road is enchanting, including a herd of buffalo once in a while.  But you won’t see much scenery because you’ll be too busy watching for the next speed limit sign.  And you know what signs they forgot to put up?  The DIP signs.  Because there are at least a thousand dips on this one stretch of road, and they are real dips, not those hokey little ones where they’re repaving the interstate.  These are dips with skid marks before and after them.      

4.  Get out and kiss the ground when you arrive at the end of this road.  Then you can heave . . . a big sigh of relief that you made it. 

5.  Don’t celebrate too much, because you will have to drive on the blasted thing again to get home. 

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