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I met Jim when I was 18 years old. Within a few years we were married, with one child and one on the way. He was never excessively romantic, I would get one rose every week. In the first few years I put off his lack off significant presents as a financial thing. I think the first time I got really upset was on my first mothers day. Well our daughter would have been eight months old, obviously not able to run out and pick me out a gift. Mothers day morning came, with a screaming infant, my husband snoring, and me brewing a bad mood right along with my coffee. It was probably two hours later he woke up, only to answer the door. No surprise, it was his mom. Out of a hiding bag came her gift- Aha! I thought, here we go, mine will be next. She exclaimed over the trinket he had picked out for her, and offered me a "Happy Mother's Day." I smiled and thanked her. It seemed like she was there all day, but when she finally did leave, I was hurt. No mention had been made as to any gift for me. I asked him if he had gotten me anything from our daughter. My shock resulted in a bottle being launched full force at his head, when he replied, "You are not my mom."
This trend continued our entire marriage, and as I said before, He explained his lack of any gift, Christmas, Mother's Day, Birthday, even our Anniversary, as a result of having no money. I can appreciate that to some extent, except that I am not hard to please. When the kids started school, I got my first ever Mothers Day gifts. Handmade pottery, picture frames, all the cheap easy projects the teachers planned are still my favorite possessions. They were made just for me, because my kids love me.
I used to be really hurt when with each new holiday, I got nothing from him. There were two Christmas's he actually got me gifts, and one year on my birthday my brother took him shopping and tricked him into getting me something. Those few things were never special, I feel as if it were his way of keeping me off his back. It really does not need to be anything great, even a well wishing for the day, but he did not do it. Years later I realize not only was he on the cheap side, but that he really did not care.
When you care about someone, you do not need to lavish them in gifts, but try to at least acknowledge them on special days. There is also nothing wrong with your heart warming up because you just got a present, from someone who cares and spent time selecting this gift, just for you.

Learn more about this author, Dyan Mardlin.
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