As teens age, their interest and right to privacy increases. Interest is a function of age. The right is a function of responsibility. Problems arise when the interest is high, but the right is low. The privacy needs of teens comes on several levels.

As the bodies of young people mature, their need to have privacy at the times when they bathe, dress, and toilet themselves. This right should be respected by about age 7 or 8 by the opposite gender parent and a little later by the other parent depending on the wants and needs of the child. This privacy involves teaching on modesty. Your children need to be taught to respect themselves and their own bodies. They also should learn to expect that same respect from others.

After modesty issues are satisfied, most teens will begin to want privacy with their friends. This should begin with privacy in their own room with the door open and the parent not snooping. As time goes by and the teen earns the trust of the parent, the door can shut when the visitors are of the same gender for a limited amount of time. Personally, I'm not sure that opposite gender visitors should ever be allowed in the room with the door shut. Too many opportunities of not being watched can make temptations too great.

Teens need to be given limited privacy to develop their own set of internalized rules. The do's and don't's of the parents should already be in place in their way of looking at life. Now, they need time to adjust them to their own life and personality. They also want you to prove that you trust them. I always confronted this with the idea that I trust them. I just don't always know their friends well enough to trust their friends. You do still have the responsibility of being the parent in your child's life.

Give your teens as much privacy as they can deal with and still be responsible. Be willing to point out violations or weaknesses that keep them from getting more privacy. Try not to make this negative, but use it to modify behavior so that more private time can be earned. Monitor activities, phone time, and make sure that your teen is where you expect them to be. Don't be afraid to check on them once in a while. This will help them earn more privacy points if they are where they are supposed to be.

Learn more about this author, Allen Teal.
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