There had been months of waiting. Now here it was. I am pregnant. I can hardly believe it. She would be my first and I can hardly describe the anticipation. Because she is my first and I am barely twenty, my body does not betray the little one growing inside me. How frustrating! I wanted a big round belly and I wanted it now! I was well into my fifth month before my belly allowed the smallest of pooches. However, something amazing happened in the next 8 weeks I blossomed! My tummy came bursting forth like flowers at springtime. It is funny how the swell of the belly can bring you firmly into reality.

I realized I was scared to death. How much can a person really be prepared for this? Do I have everything I need for the nursery? Does she need this contraption or that convenience? Do I have the right clothes? Food? Diaper bag? Toys? Blankets? Furniture? Brain? What was I thinking believing I could be a Mommy?

All the questions, fears, and doubts in the world could not keep her from coming when she was ready. I was not prepared for my first real contraction. People tell you to "just breathe." Just breathe? I don't even remember where my lungs are, much less how to use them. The epidural helped with the pain. Only after the pain eased, I was left with enough energy to remember just how scared I was.

"Push, push, push," they say. Ha! "YOU push!" I want to tell them. But this is just the beginning. And then it is the end and she is here. And then I realize that this is the real beginning.

In a room with six people then there are seven. And number seven is helpless, defenseless and incapable. Number seven didn't ask to be here. She didn't get a vote. She didn't get to shop around. She is here and she is mine. I am her provider, her defender, and her caregiver. I look at her and I know she knows who I am and she expects greatness. She deserves greatness.

While I am still afraid, fear is pushed aside by hope and resolve. Hope for all the things she can do and be and the resolve to be the one that shows her how to get there.

In this moment, she has taught me a bigger lesson and all of the others I will ever teach her. While nice and comfortable, all the things I bought weren't totally necessary. Any obstacles, we would get through together. These things were trivial. The important thing, the one thing I had not considered, was that she was going to be a woman one day. There were many variations of what type of woman she would be. She would grow and learn and decide and that would shape her everyday. I want so much for her. I see generally the kind of woman I would like her to be. But I had not the first clue on how to teach her that. Her eyes, now less than five minutes old, held the answer. "You be that woman, Mommy."

Be that woman. And so I started. And everyday I strive to be that better person. Be that woman, be that person. The one thing we cannot ever buy of fake for our children is an example to follow.

Learn more about this author, April Groves.
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