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Controversial as it might seem, I don't believe there's just "the one" for any of us. I think there are many people out there who are "the one", "the next one" and "the one after that". I'm not advocating relationship hopping, and especially not keeping more than one on the go at any one time, but it's a handy thought to keep in mind when those "that part of my life is over" thoughts go through your head after a break-up.

So, you're ready to date. You've either been single for a while, or you've sewn your wild oats, and now you want to find "the one" - your "perfect" match.

Well, let's throw that thought out of the window for a start. I don't believe there's such a thing, and you should instead be looking for someone who is very good for you, and you for them. Someone who appears "perfect" should certainly ring warning bells - for example, do you know them already, and are they consciously trying to mould their personality to please you? Or you to them? If you agree on everything, and like everything the other likes, then once the first rosy glow of lust wears off, what are you going to talk about? What are you going to introduce each other to?

So, where to find them.

Okay, given that this person must be "good for you", if you hate bars, then you're not going to find them there (unless you have one of those serendipitous events where you and he/she are out with two different groups of friends, and you BOTH hate bars...). If you like books, then join a reading group, or even your local Stitch and B!tch, if you're a knitter - they are suprisingly equal in terms of men and women participants.

Night school classes are a good way to find someone else interested in learning - many subjects seem to be the preserve of women (excellent if you're a man, not so good if you're a woman), but for women there might be something you wanted to try out at school, and were steered away from because it was a "boys' subject".

And if you've got a wide circle of friends, don't rule out asking them for help, especially if you want to settle down. It could be they know someone like-minded and had just never thought of introducing you. They will also have a good idea of what's "good" for you - certainly if you have a circle of friends like mine who have always been vocal and opinionated on my choice of partners. You don't have to listen, but where else are you going to get people to vet a potential partner, who love you dearly AND aren't wearing rose tinted glasses?

So, let's imagine

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