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As a child growing up, my mother never fed us processed or chemically preserved food. She stayed at home with us and didn't start working outside the home until we were older. The TV stayed off most of the day and made us play outside. So - how come I break so many of her rules? Does this mean I'm a bad mother?

I don't think so. I think the world has changed. My kids are in pre and early teens and are happy, healthy and feel secure. I do purchase pre-packaged food. I went back to work as soon as my maternity leave was up. I do require outside or creative play for my own kids, but if I need some quiet time, don't hesitate to offer games, TVs or movies to keep them busy.

At first, I felt guilty, especially thinking that I was leaving the raising of my children to babysitters and they would grow up not knowing me as their mother. That was absolutely false! My kids grew quite attached to their babysitters, but a mother cannot be replaced. They always knew who I was and would turn to me for motherly stuff. As they grew older, my comfort level continued to grow. Sure - I made mistakes, but I always tried not to make the same one twice.

After all - if one thinks back to the birth of the United States and prior times, how many mothers actually spent lots of quality time with their children? Sure - they were together most of the day, but the chores a mother did took a tremendous amount of time compared to today. Laundry could take an entire day. Cooking meals would take hours. Chores on a farm kept a mother (and father) busy from sunup to sundown.

I think my mother had it great! She didn't have to stay busy doing chores all day long and was able to keep us in check. However, she did take on personal projects to help keep her busy, so she may not have been working for a paycheck, but she did have obligations. Although I'm satisfied with my life, I sometimes long for a different era - especially when running through the drive-through on the way to sports practice and trying to convince myself that ketchup can be counted as a vegetable. The myth of a good mother having one type of lifestyle is just that: a myth. Good mothers love their kids, involve their kids and invest in their kids. The rest is secondary.

Learn more about this author, Linda J Banks.
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