by Carol Gioia

Created on: May 30, 2011   Last Updated: May 31, 2011

Family reunions are such a good way for extended families to reconnect, especially when some of the family branches live at distant locations and visiting frequently is not possible.

If you are the organizer of a family reunion and have the responsibility of drafting a guest list and extending invitations, you may be aware of family feuds, addiction issues and other problems within the family and wonder if anyone should be excluded from the reunion.

As the organizer, it is not your responsibility to pass judgment on other family members’ potential behavior or predict who may be offended if an adversary shows up.

Invitations to a family reunion should be all-inclusive, extended to all members of the family. It is up to each person who receives an invitation to decide whether or not they will attend.

The people you can exclude from a family reunion are those who are not related by blood, adoption or marriage. Simply state on the invitation that you can accommodate all family and significant others, however, the event is not open to friends and acquaintances.

The reason for excluding superfluous people from the family reunion is because the added expense might put a burden on others and also because the primary purpose of a family reunion is so that family can interact.

If someone brings along their own friends, they are apt to avoid mingling with their relatives, which is the purpose of the reunion to begin with. Family reunions typically are held for a day or a weekend. It is not unreasonable to exclude anyone who is not a family member, or a family member’s significant other for that short duration of time for the sake of family unity.

If any family member prevails upon you to exclude someone because they are not getting along with that individual, or haven’t spoken for years, due to an unfortunate incident in the past, as the organizer you will have to stand firm by your decision to make the reunion all-inclusive. Any family members who cannot abide by that decision are free to exclude themselves, if they choose.

Some of the attributes encompassed in a functional family are tolerance and acceptance.  Be guided by the principle that being tolerant and accepting of one another is what family is about.

It might surprise you to discover that being open-minded and non-judgmental by inviting every family member to the reunion despite any reservations concerning negative past issues could be the direct path to conflict resolution, healing of past hurts and bringing about an even better level of family unity.

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