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Are you struggling to find your Perfect Match? Has it occurred to you that maybe you're looking for the wrong thing?

We're all brought up on a diet of romantic movies and soap operas, which teach us that our perfect match is all about "chemistry". We go out searching for the man who makes our spine tingle. How often have you said "he was nice, but there was no spark"? You may have lots in common, like each other, find it easy to talk - but you classify him as a buddy, not a potential husband, because there's "no chemistry".

It's true, a "spark" feels great to begin with, but what good is it going to do you when you've been married for ten years, the kids are running around and you don't have the time, opportunity or energy to make out three times a day? Marriage is for the rest of your life: down the track, compatibility, liking and communication are all ten times more important than chemistry. And choosing a mate by those criteria doesn't mean you'll have a boring sex life: if you communicate well, then your physical relationship should get better and better with time.

By contrast, letting chemistry choose your potential partners can be a recipe for disaster. The feeling of being "madly in love" has a serious effect on judgment. It makes both partners blind to all kinds of differences in lifestyle or annoying habits. Women, in particular, will often make huge sacrifices in lifestyle or career to make the relationship work - and often, the man has no idea just how big those sacrifices are. This "honeymoon" period can last up to two years. So it is surprisingly easy for two completely incompatible people to forge a relationship, even to the point of getting married and having a first child, before the blinkers start to fall from their eyes and they realise just how mismatched they are.

Once that "honeymoon" is over, one or both sides may start missing aspects of their old life that they gave up. Once again, it's often the woman who wakes up to the fact that she's given up a career she enjoys, or friends she loves - and because her man doesn't realise how much these things mattered to her, he will appear to be uncaring. Result - breakup! Alternatively, one partner will realise that they're stuck with the other person's annoying habits/opinions for the rest of their life. Without a good dose of starry-eyed infatuation to compensate, that is simply not bearable.

So, if you are looking for a relationship that will last for the long haul, the first rule is:

COMPATIBILITY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN CHEMISTRY

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