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messier. The blood oozed out dark and thick, not bright red the way most blood looks. This encouraged me. Perhaps the researchers were right, and those with CFS do have misshapen red blood cells, unable to become fully oxigenated and bright red. Perhaps the unusual viscosity was a sign that there was abnormal clumping of the red blood cells due to damage. Or perhaps I was just dehydrated and making things up to sound plausible and convince myself to continue with the administration.

As I pushed the solution through the syringe, a wave of dizziness crept through me. I lay down on the floor, and continued a slow push, only a mililiter or so ever few minutes. The solution burned as it washed through my veins, just as the papers said it would, with vitamin C being an acid. It was interesting to feel the burn being pumped up one arm and down the other, then down through my legs. The lightheadedness was gone, and I felt no different than I normally did by the time the syringe was empty. I sat up, cleaned up the area and waited for my miracle cure.

It's been two days since that infusion, and no surge of energy or strength has overtaken me. In fact my aches have been more pronounced, my joints a bit tighter, as the latest spring storm rolls through. I look down at my hand and the butterfly bruise around the vein and wonder what insanity posessed me to take such desperate measures, to risk infection, when my immune system is so fragile as it is. But it is my badge. If others could see that bruise, if they could know what I'd done, would they still think I was just weak or malingering?

Learn more about this author, Jaime Johnson.
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