Honesty, respect and don't over react. Sounds easy huh? All of my children are now teens. None of them are the same. They all however respond to the above.I'll see if I can lay this out easy for you.

1. Honesty be honest with yourself as well as them. For example when my oldest daughter talked about going to a party, I told her well when you get drunk make sure you call me for a ride home if you need to leave. I won't punish you but we'll talk about it the next day. She responded "I don't drink". "Well when you do make sure you call", I replied. At a later party she called and I picked her up she may have had only a drink or two but she was home safely. I was honest with myself in the respect that teens drink they have peer pressure placed upon them to do so. I hold no disillusion of not my child syndrome.

2. Respect them as you would anyone else. You may not like their hair or clothing or music. Does it really change the person they are and that you know. When my son, (who has long hair and wears baggy pants with his underwear hanging out) is at home or with his friends I never say anything as long as his clothes are clean and hair is neat. However if we need to be with family or an important function he understands that this is not acceptable. Often he Will dress appropriately on his own.

2.1 Also under respect allow them to argue with you if they disagree. We allow our children to argue intelligently as to why they disagree with a decision,IE: sleeping out. Sometimes they put to rest a concern we may have and we change our minds sometimes we won't but they will understand why. Not just a because I said so. Even though they often aren't happy there are no hard feelings after.

3. Don't over react to things. When one of my children came to us one day and said they tried smoking Our response was. What did you think? No yelling no disapproval no change in the tone of our voice. None of our children smoke. By treating this as a normal occurrence, it has given our children the feeling that they come to us about anything. Our kids have approached us about drugs alcohol and sex, their future grades and a variety of problems they come across. By being calm and listening to them we offer advice and ask if they would like us to step in to help. Once my son was having difficulty in school with a teacher, after talking I asked if he wanted to handle it or would he like me to. He said I'll take care of it for now but if I need you I'll ask. He handled it himself by explaining himself to the teacher and they worked it out.

How you react and treat your children is how you will be treated. If your looking for the respect as a parent you need understand you have to earn it from your children. Don't hide your flaws from your kids tell them about your childhood the not so great things you did. Often the kids will come home and say something like I was so embarrassed today and tell their story. I then say something like yeah you think thats bad heres what happened to me. It makes then feel its OK. That you messed up just as much as they do.

Learn more about this author, Anthony Garofalo.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about How we treat teens: Tips for increasing awareness and respect toward teenagers?
We want to hear your view. Write now!