by Linda J Banks

Created on: March 15, 2007   Last Updated: May 21, 2007

I was almost the loser mom of Mrs. Robertson's kindergarten class. Let me tell you the story.

One day, my kindergartner comes home with an invitation addressed to "mom" for breakfast tea and cookies at the school. Every kindergartner made the invitiation out of the requisite construction paper and glitter. Unfortunately, as the day of the tea came closer, I realized I had a meeting at work at exactly the same day and time of the tea. In justifying my desire to miss the tea, I told myself that most of the kindergartner mothers worked and I was sure many would not be able to make it.

My son kept pressing me and as gently as I could, I explained how I might not be able to make it due to work. But, I told him, I would definitely give it my best. The night before the tea, a huge cloud of guilt descended upon me and I knew I had to go to the tea. I called in to the meeting and explained I'd be late. This made me feel guiltier as my work wasn't getting done and I'd probably be in trouble.

My attitude that morning was not a good one. I was not feeling charitable towards my son and I was feeling rushed and anxious. On purpose, I was a few minutes late to the tea to see about 2/3 of the moms present. Telling myself I should have just skipped the tea as so many other mothers did, I sat down and put on a pleasant face, all the while wondering how quickly I could get out of there and get back to work.

As ten minutes passed, the absent mothers kept showing up until I realized there was only one child in the class without a mom present. The look on this child's face just about made me cry. He continued to look around the room as if his mom was magically appear and kept glancing anxiously towards the doorway. I knew immediately the consequences of the choice I had almost made. I felt ashamed at what I could have done to my son and was ready to ask the little boy to come sit with us when his mother finally walked through the doorway.

During the tea, I kept glancing around the classroom, with tears in my eyes, to see every adult seat next to every little child filled. Understanding just how damaging skipping the tea would have been to my son and picturing HIS face as the lone boy glancing at the doorway and hoping beyond hope for mom to show up, I realized how closely I came to being the loser mom of Ms. Robertson's kindergarten class.

I firmly believe that being a good parent means striving never to be the loser mom. Of course, working full-time, there was no way I could be the class mom, but there's plenty of space in between the two extremes and plenty of creative ways to get involved with your children.

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