by Elinda Harrison

Created on: April 16, 2011   Last Updated: April 18, 2011

When it ends....

How to overcome loneliness when it ends?... Today I am feeling very low, and depressed.  I've tried to cry, but can't.  I've tried to pray, but can't.  I just called my mother, but after just a few minutes, I told her I had to go and would call her later.  Why?  Because I feel burdened down with despair and loneliness.  I am bored with my "not having a life." 

I am in my fifties, and recently went through a very bad breakup.  This is a man I have loved for over 30 years.  This last episode of him cheating was just too much.  I finally "broke free."  Yet, here I am wanting him back. Dumb, huh?  I have never loved anyone as much as I loved him.  He was so mine, and yes, in many ways I think I'm just obsessed with him.  I almost feel like a country song, you know, where the dog dies, after the bus hit him?  He was so wrong for me, and we had very little in common, but I still didn't want us to part. 

 Apparently, he did.  I am proud of myself for not clinging to him, begging him to stay for more of his mental abuse.  I didn't ask him to keep hurting me for just a little bit longer.  I thought about it, but I guess, I still have a little pride.  I have pride sitting here in the chair next to me, giving me support, but I'm still lonely and bitter.  Yes, bitter.  Why can't anyone just appreciate an honest, caring, hard-working partner in their lives?  It seems I have always only met game seekers.  Shallow men that can't handle a true love, only a game love.  I sometimes wished I'd learn those games better.  It seems to be too much to ask for real-real people-not fake people.  So, enough already! 

When it ends how to overcome loneliness?  How?  I don't know.  I know I'm lonely, hurt, and feeling low.  But I don't know how to fix it.  I believe I need to concentrate on what's good about the breakup.  That is where I need to begin. There are many positives as a result of this relationship going south.  I find that I am becoming more aware of others around me and that I have many people in my corner.  I have friends that I shut out before, that are still there to be helpful and supportive.  Thank God. 

I forgot how much fun I did have with others.  I forgot how good interacting with others could be.  I am now surrounding myself with more of many things.  I have decided that I like to cook and be inventive.  I like photography and am learning more about how to take great pictures.  I have a new found respect for those that get so much satisfaction out of house cleaning-really cleaning.  However, so far, all of them things do not wrap you up at  night and keep you warm, it is a step in the right direction.  We will all find different ways to overcome loneliness. We will or should search inside ourselves and find our core.  Find what makes us "tick."  These are just beginnings.  Each day will bring a newness to your life, which will and can help overcome the lows of loneliness.  Try it.  Afterward, find other things that will bring joy to others, and in doing so, will also bring joy to you.  Remember how fortunate it is, to have another day to explore self.  God made us unique and resourceful.    

Learn more about this author, Elinda Harrison.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.