by Shane Mole

Created on: April 15, 2011

Questions

What if I do all this, change it all, and it's still not enough?
Will it be sufficient for my happiness that I am a better person?
Or will the disappointment of the rejection of the Uber-me be the thing that finally,
Irreconcilably,
destroys me?

I will stop smoking
I will strengthen my body,
My mind,
My resolve.
I'll fix my teeth,
my hair,
my issues.

I will become her hero,

The living embodiment of everything she has ever wanted.

But will that make her want me?

Will it even be me?

Will the very act of turning myself into her dream,
Only guarantee what everyone else already knows?
That she doesn't.
Nor will she ever,
Love me?

If this person I become succeeds in his endeavours,
Capturing the heart of his one,
Will I destroy any hope I have of securing the love of mine?

If the old version is replaced in favour of its new matrix,
Is it still pure,
Or is it tainted?

These are pretty gargantuan ifs.
The only hope I have is to try everything.

I can be who I am now,
And wait
And wish
And dream

or

I can evolve,
Grow
Change
Learn

It may come to nothing.
But one thing is certain,
I will be stronger.
I will be healthier.
I will be better.

And if she still needs more,
Maybe then I will have the strength to become it.

The answer is ... try.

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