by Kathleen Meindel

Created on: March 15, 2007   Last Updated: May 09, 2007

They KILL Captain America.......but MISS America and Paris Hilton are still allowed to carry out their shallow,materialistic lives,totally heedless and sniper-free?

WHAT THE...? WHERE IS THE JUSTICE IN THAT?! THERE IS NO GOD!

Randy Couture(Our OWN beloved Captain America) makes his comeback and has the belt around his waist again,and NOW you want to kill off the comic book super-hero? Nice timing,you graphic-meddling freaks!

C.A. has been smashing through bad guys,getting out of some pretty tough jams,and entertaining masses of pimple-faced nerds for EONS(since 1941,actually),then you snuff him out by having him shot at while taking a "not quite so heroic" stroll out the doors of the county courthouse? Are you people INSANE?!
HE'S CAPTAIN AMERICA! You don't kill off a super-hero with some lame,'run-o-the-mill sniper fire! That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! No,wait......Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts joining hands in the Holy bond of matrimony was FAR dumber,but alas,I digress...

Maybe he's not really dead. He just needs another "Super Soldier Serum injection".......kinda like Stephan Bonnar on fight day.

Just prop him up, waft some smelling salts under his nose, and give him a cup of Starbuck's coffee.....he'll be fine,I PROMISE!

I am really having a bit of a problem with this,as you can probably surmise by the continuous string of upper case and the astounding use of punctuation.

At least we know he'll make his return. No comicbook hero ever REALLY dies,after all. It's just a cunning use of marketing skills and financial wizardy fluffed about in fanciful ways to beat a dead horse. Gotta revive that billions-worth of pocketchange SOMEhow,right fellas?

Look what it did for Superman. And Elvis.

Even Tupac made more money AFTER he was dead. (Go figure)

It's an easy way to fatten the purse of upperclass ninnies and temporarily distract us from the fact that we're probably right on the brink of mass extinction. (Just ask the Mayans. I trust their opinion.)

We're so blissfully unaware....kind of like the guy about to walk under a ladder and get a paintbucket dumped on his head because he's paying more attention to the worn out piece of leather on his shoe flapping around in the wind than he is to his next crucial step.

A war breaks out....but alas, don't worry! We have the beauty of Hollywood Television and the wonderful World Wide Web to keep us going "Oh look! pretty shiny things!" while the bad guys infiltrate our country and stab us in the back without a problem because we're so distracted by all the glitz of celebrity affairs and the disfigurement of our animated preoccupations.

I love America. Don't you?

Somebody get me a cup of Starbuck's coffee. I think I see a bright light.

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