by Pam From Hell

Created on: April 12, 2011

Don was a brute of a guy, big, burly, rough and tough. He was attractive in a gruff, tattooed, scarred-face-kind-of-way. He was an ex-member of the Hell’s Angels, which at the time I considered a personality asset rather than a liability. Strange I know, but at the time I was fully ensconced in a rebellious stage that to this day has never fully dissipated.

We went to the lake to run an errand, one that consisted of taking his pair of Jet Skis from one end of the lake to the other. It was a very large lake, something not uncommon in Michigan. It wasn’t one of the Great Lakes, but during the trek across, seemed almost as daunting. Did I forget to mention that I had accepted this role as a Jet Ski transporter knowing full well that I could not swim? I was at least cognizant that this fact should be known to Don before the undertaking, and his reply was a brisk and energizing "Don’t worry about a thing. We have life jackets, and Jet Skis are REALLY easy to ride." A comforting thought in one sense, but I couldn’t help but be concerned that a life jacket wouldn’t help much if I was knocked unconscious after smashing my head onto the Jet Ski if I fell off. I refused to show any form of fear, and enthusiastically slid my arms through the puffy life vest, resembling the Michelin Man.

Before taking off, Don decided a few tips were in order:

Tip #1 – "Keep your hand on the throttle and maintain constant speed without hesitation. Constant speed is the best way to keep upright." Did I hear that correctly? As long as I went as fast as possible I would be guaranteed that I would not fall off? Now this was sounding a like a piece of cake. I drove fast, I talked fast, I thought fast, I can keep a Jet Ski going fast.

Tip #2 – "Don’t take turns too sharply. In fact, avoid turning at all if possible." Now this worried me a bit. If turning could be a problem, was it because I would be speeding like a bat-out-of-hell? Or, was it because I had no experience and could simply wipe out? I was reminded of the simple fact that this was a seasoned motorcycle rider telling a very non-seasoned water sport volunteer how to drive a very heavy, very fast machine across very deep water. Even though doubt was creeping in, I was determined not to wimp out.

Tip #3 – "Don’t be afraid to jump off, just don’t let the Jet Ski run over you, because it will keep going around in circles." WHAT? Was he kidding? What could possibly make

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>