by Nidhi Singh

Created on: April 12, 2011   Last Updated: April 05, 2012

“The principal difference between arranged marriage and love marriage is that whereas in the former love starts after the marriage, in the latter 90% of love is licked off the moon before the honeymoon”.

I am an Indian, and having an arrange marriage is something that my ancient culture still things is a great idea. What makes this system work in India is a great deal of trust in the choices of one's parents. It's the confidence that parents not only love their daughter and have her best interest at heart, but that they also have more wisdom and can make a better decision for her in the area of marriage.

This is true to a great extend. Many of the youth in India prefer arranged marriages, as it gives them the time and the ability to enjoy their youth without the constant worry and struggle of relationships that comes about in western culture. As a young girl I was always given the freedom to choose my own partner but I opted for arrange marriage because I believed the biggest benefit in an arrange marriage is that there is a conscious attempt to match the two families as well as the bride and groom on the parameters of social status, financial strength, background, educational opportunities and similar lifestyle. My upbringing might be a big factor in my such an ideology.

Since the day I was born, my parents had been planning this occasion. When I was 23, they presented me with with my first proposal. I blatantly refused saying I am not “mentally prepared” for the marriage. I was just enjoying my freedom, my single life, no responsibility, shopping without a care, not being answerable to anyone but I suppose such a life cannot last long. Many friends of mine were already married or on a verge of marriage and by the age 26, I was fast approaching my “expiration date”. So my parents put pressure on our community-not to mention my relatives-to find The One.

After few auditions of eligible bachelors, my family short-listed a family friend’s son who was a graphic designer.  He was an Indian living in US so that was a concern for me because I didn’t want to go abroad with a complete stranger!. With our consent phone numbers and email ids were exchanged. The day I got the first mail from him I knew there was something about the boy that can charm me. After that there was no looking back. It was followed by uncountable mails, phone calls, video chats on skype, exchange of gifts and thoughts. This continued for 6 months and eventually he “wooed” me.

Both the girl and boy were asked if we were ok with spending our lives together. The wedding day was finalized but my friends kept on telling me that meeting this guy face to face before everything was fixed was the right thing to do but I knew I had already made my mind.

The D day arrived and I got a chance to meet him 10 days before the wedding and there was something about his demeanor, his soft, lilting voice, his smile, and the pleasing way he interacted with my family- frankly, we all fell for him.

David Minkoff had said “Marriage is a three-ring circus—engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering “.  It's been 2 months since I have been married and I am yet to see the third ring.

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