by Anthony Tompkins

Created on: April 08, 2011

With the ashes of the the latest teenage induced apocalypse settling around me, I realized something: things needed to change.

Many of you might recognize the silence that falls over the battlefield that was your unsuspecting living room just moments ago, the space where your angel was just standing still too hot touch for fear of fallout. What happened? Where's the angelic four year old who worshiped every bad joke, and laughed just because you were daddy? The thing is, they're still there. They're just hidden under a layer of tiny speed bumps that have conspired to ruin an otherwise smooth highway of family bliss.

All right, lets be honest. There is never going to be a time in the course of your interactions with your child when everything is going to be advertising rainbows and harp filled sound overs. Raising children is tough, full of heartache, and second guessing, and the results of all the sweating bullets and sleepless nights you won't see for years. It is God's longest long shot, doing it successfully means picking your way carefully over a beautiful minefield, and holding on to hope with crossed fingers. The essence of becoming a better parent means understanding that, just like anything else that's worth the effort, when you get there you still haven't arrived!

I can't speak from a sacred podium here. I've been guilty of being short sighted, bad tempered, unyielding as much as not more as any parent. The first thing that should key you in that changes need to be made is when the only voice you're hearing is your own. Even when the children are tiny, and you are staring at the finger paint of the walls, or the glue on the cat, there is still something waiting to be said by that little mind. Before you lower the boom of righteous parental indignation, ask them why - and listen.

Listening isn't a skill that comes easily; the old adage for the reason why we have two ears and only one mouth never seems to bear out because that mouth is so darn large. When we open that gaping chasm it can block out a whole world of things we've never considered because we never heard them. With children, especially the younger ones, they learn very quickly exactly when the conversation has become a sermon, and they learn to respond appropriately - the right nod, the right assurance that it will never happen again. If you're dealing with a teen, this becomes the rolled eyes and the pursed lips, because they have heard this all before. Ask them, they'll

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