by Cersei Morrow

Created on: March 15, 2007   Last Updated: April 27, 2007

Where is the line between discipline and abuse? I believe there is a line, but it is very light gray. There are many factors to consider when deciding whether or not to spank a child. What is their age? What was the infraction? Most importantly, are you angry?

Take two situations:

1) A mother lightly "pops" her child in the mouth for not being quiet after repeated instruction.

2) A mother full out spanks a child in the parking lot after he dashes out into traffic after repeated instruction.

In my opinion, #1 is abuse, mom is hitting her child out of anger. #2 is not; mom needs to make an instant and lasting impression on the child to preserve his safety. Spanking is appropriate if a child places himself/herself into danger, or engages in blatant disrespect. It is never appropriate to spank or hit a child simply for annoying or embarrassing the parent, no matter how annoyed or embarrassed you are.

While I do believe spanking is appropriate in certain circumstances, I think parents themselves should follow very strict rules:

1) For younger children, spanking shouldn't necessarily hurt. The shock of "getting a spanking" is generally sufficient to make the desired impression.

2) Never give more "spanks" than the age of the child. A 5 year old would receive 5 spanks, etc.

3) Never spank your child when you are angry. If you are angry with your child, and spank him/her, you are only taking out your aggression upon them. This is abuse.

4) Do not spank a child for something they have done hours or days ago. The point of a spanking is to make a swift and lasting impression.

5) Never use any type of implement to spank a child. If it is hurting your hand, you are spanking too hard, or for too long.

6) If you do need to spank your child, that in itself cannot be the only discipline. Spanking should be used in combination with a time-out, grounding or other punishment.

Personally I would only spank a child between the ages of 3 and 10. A 2 year old is not going to connect the behavior with the spanking. At 10, a child is usually enjoying many privileges that can be taken away. This could include TV, friends, bike riding, what ever that child enjoys doing.

Lastly, consider the child's personality. Children respond to discipline differently. What works for one child, may not work for another.

While I will always believe spanking can be an appropriate punishment, I will also always believe children rarely need to be spanked. Be creative, and think of punishments that are fitting to the offense. Some common punishments given in our home consist of timeouts, grounding from "screen time" (no TV, computer, video games), a required written essay on why behavior was inappropriate, and time in the corner. Often, these punishments alone leave a deep and lasting impression, and stop the offending behavior.

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