by Rachelle de Bretagne

Created on: April 01, 2011   Last Updated: April 06, 2011

Intimacy isn't about sex at all. Although many equate the word “intimacy” with sexual activity, they may actually be missing the point. Intimacy is letting someone else into that very private bubble to see who you really are, and feeling comfortable with that person. The act of sex may follow, but it isn't paramount, as an intimacy worthy of having can certainly be found between very good friends and companions. In a relationship, the intimacy part is about making each other feel adequate, and not in a physical manner. The kind of happiness that one experiences with intimacy is a comfort area that both feel and that keep those two people bound together almost like being incomplete – one without the other.

So how can one be intimate without having sex?

The ways that this opens up possibilities is that it means being able to give part of who you are without feeling any remorse, or without feeling that this comes with obligations. True intimacy doesn't ask for reward. It is the reward in itself. A passing smile between two relative strangers can be more intimate than one between partners sometimes, both thinking on the same lines, both seeing the situation through the same eyes. It's a moment frozen in time when two human beings are so in sync with each other that there is no need for words. When you experience that closeness, you know that you have, but the intimate nature of it is that they also know.

Intimacy can involve the sharing of nostalgic moments that no one else is privy to, and that means something to two human beings. It means laughing together, being able to send messages without words, and being able to feel at one, with another human being. How you do this is by getting inside that bubble which all human beings have as a defense mechanism against being hurt. It's a barrier to intimacy, though once you find your way beyond that barrier, and they manage to break through your barriers, intimacy can be one of the most rewarding shared experiences on earth.

Learning to trust

Learning to trust is the first step toward intimacy. It's very much a two way thing, as not only do you need to learn to trust that other person, but you need to know your own limitations, and trust yourself and your own judgment. Those who have no trust will never actually experience real intimacy because there are too many strings attached to their relationships for there ever to be real empathy. If you look into the eyes of a child, they trust the world around

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