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Jessica was the "spittin' image" of her father: red curly hair, brown eyes...

I met Jessica when she was 8 yrs old and in a few months she would be 9 years old. She seemed interested in me as I was also interested in her and her sister. See, I had recently begun dating her mother and was intending to be a part of their lives.

On Jessica's 9th birthday, which coincidentally was a day before Amber's 7th birthday, we went to Winn Dixie to purchase cake mix, and a few other niceties for the party. What I didn't know at the time was that her 'father' had never thrown a party in her or her sisters honor.

We were walking to the store, and Jessica looked up at me with those beatty brown eyes and asked if she could call me 'Daddy'. I told her that I wasn't, at which point she responded 'I wish you were my Daddy'. Of course that made me feel on top of the world and at that moment I would have bought her the moon and the sun, even if it weren't on sale!

I remember that day as if it were yesterday.

Through the years we got to know each other. There were things about me that she did not like, and likewise. I was the Marine DI, then I was a cop. Worst part was I was a cop in the town that we lived in. I knew all the people she would hang around, and I knew things that she didn't want to know or wouldn't have known.

We definitely had our ups and downs. I think she wished that her father had been there the times that I was there. Not because she wanted him per se, but the idea of him. Not once did she ever tell me "you're not my daddy". I think even in her most angry moments she held that back knowing how much that would hurt me.

I went through some tough times with her as a teenager, from the 'weird-o' boyfriends to the smoking, and drinking. I still don't believe she knows how much I knew about what she was doing, but you get the picture.

Her mother and I divorced, and when I was at my lowest, Jessica was there. She still gave me a birthday card. She still called. To this day, she doesn't realize how she saved me through each birthday card, wish, or phone call. The worst part of getting divorced was the thought that I would lose that relationship. I haven't.

What I can tell you about getting along with a stepdaughter is this: If you are the man, treat that step-daughter as you would want another man to treat her. I mean, teach her through the way you treat her what to expect fron another man, i.e. boyfriend, husband.... I saw Jessica going out with a guy that from the first moment treated her badly. When she told me how he yelled her, I was fuming, but she told me that she told him "My daddy don't talk to me like that, and you don't either!".

If you are the step-mom, be careful. Don't be the go-between. Don't position yourself in a way that you are seen as competing for the affections of her father. That is what my ex-wife did in my relationship with my own daughter.

You can have a healthy relationship with your step-child.

Now, Jessica has a sister. She and I for the longest had a good relationship. We weren't close, but then she is not a warm and cuddly person, either. We still communicate, not quite as often as Jessica and I do, but we do. I don't push it. I certainly would like a relationship with her, but she was always more interested in her father. That's a good thing.

Lastly, don't ever condemn, put down, or slander the other parent. I don't care how much of an inconsiderate a$%hole that person is. If you do that, remember, you are the water, the other person is the blood, and blood is thicker than water. You will be the odd one out.

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