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by Tom Reindl

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When you look at your child, what do you see? Do you get a vision of yourself at that age, or do you prefer not to see the connection? Raising a child with high self-esteem can hinge on the way you see your child, through the way you see yourself.

There are many books available today that attempt to instruct us on child-rearing, but it is impossible to read every one of them, and it is impossible to remember everything you have read. There might be, however, something you remember about yourself that can be even more beneficial to your child's self esteem than anything you will read in a book. It's called your own self-esteem.

If you can recall your childhood, and more importantly, your thoughts, hopes, and conceptions, you will have an introduction into your child's mind; the seat of self-esteem. No matter where I go, no matter who I have talked with, one thing remains a constant; everyone has an internal dialog. Your child has one too. That internal dialog is a major key to self-esteem, because the conversations we hold with ourselves indicate what our own self-esteem is. Likewise, we all come prepackaged with emotions that affect our internal dialog, and can, as a result, affect our self-esteem.

I have just one tip to give you when it comes to raising a child with high self-esteem. It is so simple that it often goes overlooked. Here it is; maintain your own high self-esteem. Our children often watch us, and mimic us. Most parents could attest to this daily. Since that is the case, the best way to help your child foster a high self-esteem is to have one of your own on display.
That is where remembering your youth, and recalling the thoughts and dreams you then had enter the stage. This is true for any adult; the key to a higher self-esteem is in positively processing our experiences. Outside encouragement is of great help, but often we aren't encouraged by those around us; rather we are discouraged. In order to positively process our experiences, we need to look for the best possible way to encourage ourselves; whether that be by looking for ways in which bad things actually ended up having a positive influence, or by remembering successes and how we felt in the midst of them.

It's not hard to lower one's self-esteem day by day. All we have to do is begin to look at our experiences with a negative outlook, and one brick of the armor will crumble to dust. The loss of self-esteem is a cumulative process, so forming and maintaining it has to be cumulative as well.

If you are assured that your self-esteem is high, put it on display for the world to see; especially for your child. Let your child see how you handle pressure. Let her see how you deal with confrontation. Best of all, let them see how you deal with success. The only way your child can have any idea growing up what it means to be confident is to see it in you. The legacy you pass on has to live inside of you first. If it doesn't, find ways to make sure it does; if you need help doing so, find help. There are many places you can find help; your spouse, friends you consider to have high self-esteem, as well as psychologists. It might not cost anything to do the one thing that will have the biggest impact on your child's self-esteem.

Why is it so important to have a high self-esteem? Because when you do, there is little that you face each day that you consider to be threatening. That is where remembering that your child has an inner dialog and thoughts of their own can make such a difference. There will be times when your child comes to you in pain or anger. It is these moments, sadly, that play such a lasting role in the development of self-esteem. But if your self-esteem is high, you won't fell threatened by your child's emotions, you will be calm enough to remember that your child is processing some pretty tough thoughts at that moment. If you don't feel threatened, then you are equipped to meet those emotions, welcome them, and help your child process them correctly.

I think you can imagine what might happen if your self-esteem is low enough for you to feel attacked every time your child is angry or hurt. The results of such an approach often end in yelling and irrational treatment. I think we would all agree that shouting isn't going to solve problems. But if you meet your child's emotions confidently, the impact you make can only be positive. If you do it each time, it has a cumulative effect, and slowly, your child begins to understand that you aren't going to punish them for being human.

Have you ever heard a child say, "I feel like I can't do anything good enough for you?" I'll bet you said it yourself. There are times your child will feel this, and remembering the times you did will help you meet this emotional plea for encouragement. The scary thought in all of this is that your child doesn't voice these words every time they feel them. Carrying your high self-esteem may be able to help you discern when your child is feeling this way. That is just one other reason why your own self-esteem is so important to your child.

There are many other reasons that a parent's self-esteem is crucial in the development of a child, too many to list here. Are you convinced? Take some time to reflect on your own self-esteem. It really is the most important thing you can do to help raise your child with a high self-esteem.

Every tip in every book about parenting is based on one foundation; that the parent reading it is self-confident enough to put those tips to good use. Some say you should listen to your child and not interrupt them. A person with a high self-esteem finds this easy to do; they are not threatened by listening. Praising your child is a notable tool to use, but that praise has to be natural and heart felt. Children know when it's fake. Your high self-esteem is the only means you have of being authentic. Nurture it; it will make all the difference in the world to your child.

Learn more about this author, Tom Reindl.

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