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Your children each have their own personality, and various discipline techniques work for each of them. Using effective methods to teach them good behavior and life skills is critical. But how do you keep from hearing, "That's not fair!" when you are punishing your very different children for their misbehavior?

The same system of discipline may not work for dissimilar kids. One youngster may be motivated by losing privileges while another couldn't care less about TV or phone use. You need to tailor your approach, but let your children know why the punishments are not identical. It may seem to the one that their sibling is getting off lightly with a one-week television restriction, while the other would far rather clean the whole house than miss all of their favorite shows.

You also need to do consider whether you do treat your children equally. If one of them is generally better-behaved, or at least quieter, he or she may get away with things that would get a sibling in hot water. When one of them flies under your radar, the others can resent their freedom and seemingly protected status. Try to assess honestly whether this happens. If it does, keep it in mind the next time you let something slide for him or her. Your rules and their enforcement need to be consistent for everyone, whether their overall behavior is better or worse.

Keep open the lines of communication with your children. This will help them to understand your choices in discipline and to see that you are trying to be fair. It will also allow them to let you know, in an appropriate way, when you aren't. If necessary, remind them that it is their behavior and punishment in question and not those of their sibling. Try to keep the focus where it belongs instead of getting sidetracked by a more general debate.

Using strategies should help you to avoid the pitfalls of disciplining very different children. Through trial and error, with luck and perseverance, you'll learn what works, what doesn't, and why.

Learn more about this author, Mel Bergen.
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