by Robin Tidwell

Created on: March 15, 2011   Last Updated: March 16, 2011

“How nice, you got all As on your report card, except one…why didn’t you get an A in that class too?”

“You should….”

“Why didn’t you…?”

“Why can’t you…?”

If you have heard these things, and others, you might be dealing with overly critical parents.  Whether you are an adult, or still a teen or even a younger child, this can have a profound effect on your life.

Criticism isn’t always overt; sometimes is can be rather insidious and creep into a conversation unawares.  If two-edged compliments are your parents’ style, if they insert negatives in the midst of a train of more positive sentences, and if you come away from the conversation feeling a bit down – your parents might be more critical than you realize.  If, for example, you spend the day cleaning your house for a parental visit, and your mom finds the one piece of furniture you neglected to dust – and brings it to your attention while praising the rest of your work – she’s being overly critical.  You might miss it in the heat of the moment, but it will likely linger.

The news media is full of stories of bullies, and how to counteract them, and how to deal with them, or even how to decide if you are being bullied or are in need of protection.  No one seems to consider that parental bullying can have long-term consequences, as well as immediate ones.

Most kids want to please their parents, instinctively; most will try hard to do so and a little praise for an accomplishment is not considered harmful, although meaningless and constant praise for every miniscule achievement has been shown to be detrimental.

Some parents, however, nitpick on the smallest negative behavior or action and ignore the hard work or the awards for things in which a child may have succeeded.  These parents often don’t see their behavior as negative, they simply believe they are being realistic and expect the child to view this as “teaching”.  Yes, even as the teaching of adult children.

It can be difficult to deal with overly critical parents, and even harder to overcome their commentary; often these things are remembered for years, or even decades and they certainly can effect one’s personality and future endeavors.

Often, when parents are unaware, a simple conversation is best, in which the child can point out to the parents that their comments are

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