A Birthday party! A graduation invitation in your stack of mail. Your favorite niece's wedding. Your own 10th wedding anniversary. We all give them, we all receive them, and it's always wonderful either way when a gift is a real "hit." But the art of gift-giving is much much more than just picking out a present that the recipient will love. Here are some special tips to help you become a pro when it comes to choosing and giving gifts.
KIDS' BIRTHDAYS: Just ask any parent - a good thing NOT to buy for their child is a toy that will break the first time it is played with, one that makes annoying or loud sounds, or something that is inappropriate for the child's age. Depending on how close you are to the birthday boy or girl, it is often a good idea to check with the parents to make sure that your gift doesn't duplicate someone else's or an item the child already owns. And here is an idea that I have found very useful as a parent AND as a gift-giver. If the birthday boy or girl has a sibling who is a very young child, it is a wonderful and appreciated gesture to present that child a small "un-birthday" gift to make him/her feel special, too.
NON-GIFT GIFTS: Sometimes the best gifts are the kind that can't be boxed and wrapped and tied up with a bow. Examples of these special kinds of gifts are
1) A home-cooked meal
2) Performing a chore, project, or service for the recipient
3) An outing, such as a trip to the zoo for a youngster
4) A song, poem, or story created and/or performed just for them
5) Gift certificates or gift cards
6) Money - almost always appreciated, especially by graduates and newlyweds
7) When appropriate, a donation to a special charity in the recipient's name
FLOWERS: It's so easy and convenient to simply give instructions and your credit
card number to a florist who delivers. But wait just a minute. While many of us are crazy about fresh flowers, others may not necessarily appreciate receiving them. Some people are allergic to flowers, or may object to them for "green" reasons. My mother didn't like receiving fresh flowers. She acknowledged that they were pretty, but said it always made her feel sad to watch them wilt and die, then to have to throw them away. And you should consider whether the situation is appropriate or not. I was once hideously embarrassed when an over-eager suitor, whom I had reluctantly finally agreed to meet for coffee the night before, sent a dozen red roses to my office, along with a card that read, "Thanks for a wonderful evening!" You can imagine my coworkers' reactions and insinuations. Sometimes flowers are the perfect gift, but always ask yourself whether the person and the situation really do call for "saying it with flowers."
THANK-YOU NOTES: The two basic rules for thank-you notes which will result in peace of mind and a clear conscience are as follows: 1) Always promptly write a thank-you note for any gift or special favor you receive, and 2) Don't hold it against the recipient if you never receive a thank-you note, or indeed, any thanks at all. Did you give the gift because of your generous heart, or in order to receive acknowledgement from the other person? I always write thank-you notes and have always required my children to do the same, because I believe that the gift-giver's gesture and effort deserve to be acknowledged. But not everyone feels this way. Maybe they are too busy. Maybe they don't really know HOW to thank you. Always say thank you, but never require another person's gratitude.
LETTING GO OF THE GIFT: Once you have given a gift, let it go. Don't pester the recipient with questions about whether they liked it, how often they used it, etc. When I give someone a gift, it now belongs entirely to the recipient, with no strings attached. Whether they love it and tell me so, or whether they give it away to someone else, sell it, or even throw it away . . . it is now theirs, to do with as they wish, period.
With a little grace and the right attitude, giving and receiving gifts of all kinds, both tangible and otherwise, can bring lots of joy into our lives.