by Carley Gyles

Created on: March 15, 2011

My Mother and Me

The months after my husband was killed I was having a hard time keeping my head on straight, so to speak. It seemed that the world and most people in it were moving along nicely, while I was barely putting one foot in front of the other. During that time, well, it felt like I was disconnected from the world... that I had been knocked off the planet and it seemed that I was very alone (yes, I have children...don't critique me on this, please...just thinking out loud).

I remember one day in particular ...I was a mess. I drove to Paragould to see Mother and I asked her to come spend a few days with me. Because of her dementia, she was having a bad time, too, but she went home with me.  Hopeful that this visit would be beneficial to both of us, we went to my home in Cabot, AR.

I remember that when we got to my home, how she "oo'd" and "ahh'd." She didn't remember ever having seen my home. ...And after being at my house no more than 15 minutes she was ready to go home, all the way back to Paragould.

It was already getting late in the afternoon so I used that as an excuse to keep her there at least one night, but she was adamant.  I wasn't sure this was going to work as I had hoped. 

Now, if you my mother very well you know she can stand and look at you like Cesar Milan staring down a pack of dogs (tv show Dog Whisperer), and that is what was happening to me on that September 2008 afternoon.  After what seemed liked a half day we had made no progress, both standing firm and both with feelings a little bruised. So, I asked her to have a glass of tea with me. She said yes.

Carrying the two glasses and a pitcher of iced tea, I asked her to come outside with me.  We decided to relax in my backyard garden swing.  We sat there sipping iced tea and talking.  We watched the backyard wildlife and we watched Smokey, my little dog, try to outsmart a squirrel.  Mother admired my sanctuary, the huge, old battered oak tree that had scars from years of storms and abuse.  The old tree stood strong and stood proudly year after year.  She appreciated its beauty as I did.  Tears and smiles later we went back into the house.

Later, her sundowning was in full swing and she was...well, she was having trouble.  She had become disoriented and childlike.  She was pouting and was not happy about being away from home. 

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