by Paul Drockton

Created on: March 14, 2007   Last Updated: April 30, 2007

The Mafia in My Driveway

Its no secret that "The Godfather" was one of the more popular movies of the 1970s. It is also no secret that every few days, a mysterious, black, Lincoln Continental....I mean a real mysterious black Lincoln Continental, would appear in my driveway; much to the consternation of the Bungalow Posers and the Bungalow Elite.

The Posers were concerned that the owner of said Lincoln was "in the neighborhood" to collect "protection" money. Even though Kenilworth Avenue had been relatively "fire free" (with the exception of the Billy Baylogger Bomb episode)... (oh yeah, and the rumor that a group of miscreant boys (probably having something to do with my brother Dan,they were unable to identify the second suspect) started a small, well, OK not so small, fire in an undisclosed location's basement.)

(These of course, were nothing more than vicious rumors undoubtedly created by my opponent in the race for student council president. I have been acquited on all charges...my brother Dan, unfortunately is waiting on the Governor's pardon.)

Anyway, back to the story. The Bungalow Elite, fearfull that we were using our mob connections to force one of them out...under the pretenses that we would buy their house at a discount and resell it to a poser in order to do some Kenilworth "Block-busting". The Elite hid their pink flamingos and shiny metal chrome balls (you know, the ones on the pedestial), whenever the "Lincoln" was spotted. Their weak attempts to conceal their "wealth" however, would offer little security when, and if, the owner of the Black Lincoln Continental decided to make his move.

They suspected that, when a move was finally made, no amount of ice-cold Schlitz Malt liquor (in bottles!) would buy off the infamous owner of the Black Lincoln. He would not be intimidated by their 243 bowling averages; or their genuine "Corinthian leather" bowling bags. Not even a friendly game of neighborhood softball, where the Kenilworth girls usually demolished their opponents, would evoke enough pity to assuage the wrath of the owner of the black Lincoln Continental with real leather seats and whitewall tires.

It was time for a Billy Baylogger pow-wow. Time for the Sage of Kenilworth, with his endless and undoubtedly valuable collection of Cracked and Mad magazines, to come up with a solution. Unfortunately, he was never consulted; in spite of the shroud of deep, dark fear that hung over the homes of Kenilworth Avenue whenever the Black Lincoln Continental appeared on its softball hallowed streets.

Much to the good fortune of the residents of Kenilworth Avenue, The "Godfather was really the "Grandfather". I must admit that, the girls sometimes lost; sometimes dropped the ball; sometimes even let us bat; when the infamous black Lincoln Continental with whitewall tires, real leather seats and chrome wheel covers, appeared on the "Schlitz Malt Liquor (now in bottles!) baptized" streets of Kenilworth Avenue.

Waiting, ever so waiting, for that offer that no-one can refuse!

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