by Joseph Whalen

Created on: March 11, 2011   Last Updated: March 16, 2011

All too often in today’s society jealousy winds its way into relationships under the guise of one partners love for the other.  No more so has this been evident than with the explosion of the Internet and the recent domination of social networking in our society.  The temptation to connect with people from our past is overwhelming, as is the potential for finding someone else with similar interests to your own.  Many relationships have been built and destroyed as a result of the technology of today’s ability to offer temptation and elicit jealousy more readily than ever before.

While jealous feelings are often inspired by feelings of love in a relationship, jealousy itself is less a proof of love and more an indication of insecurity. Everyone is afraid of rejection and loosing that which we covet the most.  When we perceive a threat to our relationship from an outside source it is only human nature to develop feelings of jealous as a defensive mechanism against the potential for loss.  However, when we look at these types of situations more closely we often find that in most instances the perception of a threat is just that, perception not reality. 

When we suffer from insecurity and we lack a high degree of self confidence we are unable to rationally apply our observations to things that are so close to us as the attention or affection of a loved one. Our jealous response to a comment, gesture or action from our partner usually has little to do with our partner and more to do with ourselves.  Unfortunately, being humans we are less often self contemplative as we are primitive and paranoid.  As a result we immediately perceive a threat even when one is not there and we look to defend ourselves from that threat.  That is what jealousy is, a defensive reaction.

Of course not all of the threats we perceive are based in our imagination. With a divorce rate exceeding 50% in the United States, in fact it is more likely than not that there are legitimate threats we have to contend with on a regular basis with respect to our relationships.  Regardless of whether the threat is real or imagined, allowing ourselves to be overcome with feelings of jealousies is only a self defeating action. When we allow ourselves to be overcome by such strong and passionate emotions we lose the ability to act coherently and logically and combat situations that we should be taking corrective actions to rectify.

Today’s society is replete with examples of justifying irrational or irresponsible actions rather than facing up to the consequences of our own decisions.  If there is a threat to our relationship that is causing us to feel jealous, there is a high degree of probability that the threat is real and it is one that we have caused ourselves through our actions or inaction's toward our partners.  Instead of letting yourself be overcome by jealousy and anger it is more important to analyze the situation, communicate with your partner and work to resolve the situation.  When we convince ourselves that our feelings of jealousy are proof of our love we eliminate a perceived need to resolve a situation and mire ourselves in inactivity which does nothing to solve the issues.

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