by Christyl Rivers

Created on: March 03, 2011

Parents teach by what they do.  When a parent leaves a child unintended, they are teaching that child that attention to that child is “optional.”   When a child is asking for attention in a grocery cart, and the mum or dad goes on shopping, talking on the cell phone, disregarding the child’s question as immaterial,  two things are likely to happen. The first thing is that the child actively learns it is “acceptable” to ignore someone when they ask for your attention. The second thing is they learn to ask LOUDER. Yelling or screaming, or a full blown tantrum may be the next result.

An all out tantrum, kicking, screaming, flailing, and the rest, is being taught by the parent to the child.  Then the parent finally reacts, and usually in a negative way with threats, or upset emotions that direct criticism to the child. 
Congratulations of a lesson taught, albeit a negative one, are in order to that care-giver.  Your neglect of the child’s less offensive inquiry has resulted in your teaching him or her that only disruptive behavior gets attention.

Destructive behavior results when neglect is tolerated.

Neglect, it must be remembered always, causes more suffering by way of apathy, than outright violence ever could.  Never should it be said that only parents are responsible.  All people who neglect protecting of anything of value, any who shirk that responsibility, are responsible for behavior problems.

This is why people whose only child died at birth, must still pay taxes for other children’s schools.  They are investing in preventing their own stereo from being stolen.

It is the same from the level of the two year old up to global reality.  The out of control dictator, having a tantrum, has been neglected by global complacency when correction was needed.  Look at someone like Hosni Mubarak or Muammar Quaddafi. They get attention, and results, when they get out of control. Someone neglected to intervene while there was a more opportune time. But this is about children.

Children at school and on playgrounds are often treated with disinterest until something goes wrong. Then much trouble is created.  One child will learn they get attention only when they bully. Another child will learn that if they say nothing about being bullied, if they shut up, stay quiet, “keep it to myself,  they may temporarily be spared pain or humiliation. The trouble with

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