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will soon irritate him and drive him away to someone more confident and appealing.

Learn to love yourself, Khodia; to accept yourself as you are. Learn to know yourself too and where you're heading and you will stop worrying about your boyfriend. You will slowly realise that if, or when, he leaves you, there is likely to be someone better waiting, because you deserve it. You are acting as if he is the only man on earth because you don't love yourself enough. You feel he is the best you can get. But that's all in your head, caused by low self-esteem. Ther are tons of great men out there if we open our hearts and minds to their presence.

He might be the icing on your cake for now, but YOU are the cake, Khodia. Start giving yourself some slack and appreciating the unique person you are. Begin to show appreciation for all your blessings by looking outward to others instead of merely focusing negatively on yourself and you won't feel so helpless. You will find that things will come into perspective and your fear will ease. You'll be grateful for what you have and make the most of it instead of reducing its value and taking it for granted.

The day you can say to yourself, "So what if he fancies someone else? He can bugger off," is the day you realise who you are, and the day you truly start to love both yourself and your boyfriend. The more confident and self loving you are, the more attractive you will seem to them. If all you do is worry, you will become increasingly unhappy and unattractive. You will also begin to mistrust your boyfriend, and where there is mistrust, that's a shaky relationship in the making. Mistrust and fear are not the basis for any relationship. They only breed jealousy, insecurity and accusations.

There is nothing attractive about fear, Khodia. It's love which makes us shine. Fear isn't love, it's control which soon becomes claustrophobic. When we truly love it is unconditional upon whatever the other person does. True love means that you don't spend time worrying about his actions because you trust him to act in line with his love for you. Just enjoy every moment of his company and give thanks that someone who loves you is actually in your life, cherishing you and caring for you. Gradually, nothing else should matter except reciprocating that love.

Khodia, your boyfriend is already reinforcing your value to him. When will you stop knocking yourself and reinforce his appreciation of you?

Learn more about this author, Elaine Sihera.
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