by Tracey Parece

Created on: March 02, 2011   Last Updated: March 05, 2011

There are many reasons why your husband or boyfriend may not want to have sex,.  You will be happy to know that most of these reasons have very little, or nothing, to do with you.  

One of the most common reasons why your husband or boyfriend may not want to have sex is that he was sexually abused or molested when he was a child.  Although many adult males are able to have a normal sex life despite being molested, for some men the trauma is too great.  Your boyfriend or husband may have post traumatic stress disorder associated with abuse he suffered during childhood which makes it difficult or even impossible for him to engage in sex with you.

Another reason why your boyfriend or husband may not want to have sex with you is that he may be suffering from impotence.  Impotence can take many forms ranging from psychological to physical.  Psychological impotence can be caused by the childhood molestation or sexual abuse mentioned previously.  A man who is suffering psychological impotence may actually be able to obtain and maintain erection during masturbation, but not with a partner.  Being able to achieve an erection is a good indicator that a man’s impotence is psychological rather than physical.

A man who may be suffering from  physical impotence cannot achieve an erection even through self-stimulation.  If this is the case with your boyfriend or husband, he may be too embarrassed or ashamed to discuss the situation with you leaving you wondering why he may not want to have sex.

A man who suffers from premature ejaculation or performance anxiety may also be reluctant to have sexual intercourse.  If your boyfriend or husband does not want to have sex with you, it might be because he fears that the experience will not be what you are expecting.  Even if you have had sex with him in the past, certain physical or psychological changes may have left him unable or unwilling to continue a sexual relationship.

Although many of the reasons your husband or boyfriend may not want to have sex with you are unrelated to you personally, there are some things associated with their partners that men cite as reasons that they do not want to have sex.  In certain cases, a man may lose interest in sex after his girlfriend or wife has a child.  It could be due to a lack of time and energy associated with the new baby, or it could be that your boyfriend or husband looks at you differently after you have had a child.  Sometimes, having a child causes your partner to see a mother when he looks at you instead of a sexual partner.

There is one thing that all the preceding reasons have in common.  They can be often be overcome through counseling or medical intervention.  The important thing is to keep the lines of communication open with your partner.  Any remedy will work only when both partners are committed to the relationship.

Learn more about this author, Tracey Parece.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.