by Kristina Brandt

Created on: February 24, 2011

No one is born insecure. It's not a condition that we're either stuck with or can be lucky we don't have. Likewise, it is not a concsious decision. No one wakes up one morning and decides, "I'm tired of being confident. I'm going to withdraw from everyone I know and not trust anyone." Insecurity comes by way of bad experiences. It's hard to be confident when those you trust continually let you down. Again, and again, and again.

Things that happen to us during our childhood affect our behavior in the future in a very big way. A little teasing here, some name calling on occasion and a person can be scarred for life. During the first few years of elementary school, I was friends with everyone. It's usually the same for everyone. As you get older, you develop friendships with a select few and those become your good friends. As the years went on, I became a plaything instead of someone to be played with. Being the shortest kid in my grade for the entire time I was in elementary school, I was often teased for my size and my weight.

It was a common occurance for the kids to pick me up just for fun. Sometimes they would ask for permission first, sometimes they wouldn't. It was a game or right of passage to some. If you could pick me up, you fit in. I didn't weigh very much for my age so it wasn't that hard to do. Any time something got stuck in a tree, I was the one being picked up to get it. When playing Red Rover, all the kids would run between me and whoever's hand I was holding. Since it was common knowledge that I wasn't that strong, it was a surefire way to win. Another entertainment for my "friends" was seeing how far they could wrap their fingers around my wrist. Some could touch pinky to thumb around my wrist, others could get past their first knuckle on their pointer finger. I was an amusement, not really a person.

During this time, I had a small group of friends who actually saw me as an equal. Teasing about my size continued, but on a less hurtful level and in a friendly manor. I figured these friends would stay with me forever. I had one friend in particular who was especially close. We were attatched at the hip. Sleepovers were a regular occurrence, playdates, trips to the movies, we did it all together. My parents even went so far as to call her their adoptive daughter. We were never apart for more than a day.

When it came time for middle school, I didn't think anything would change. Sure, we'd all meet new people, but we were friends for life.

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