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Satire: National security

by Christopher O'Brien

Created on: February 22, 2011

You’re going to die. Well, not if you let the nation secure you.

I want you to form a mental picture for me. First, picture all of the things you love in life. Walks in the park, a good meal, your family, your secret obsession with internet pornography, and hearing about Charlie Sheen’s latest misfortunes on the E! channel. Now, as you mentally dwell on these things and begin to slip into a nice relaxing state, imagine mushroom clouds and nerve gas.

Envisioning our way of life being evaporated is not a very pleasant thought, but it’s a necessary one. The American way of life has never been in such peril. Right now, even as you read this, a cold and calculating enemy is plotting our destruction.

Our enemies are no longer recognizable faces in marked uniforms, nor are our enemies restricted to one part of the planet such as the Middle East, or Hollywood. The enemies of today are a sophisticated and determined bunch who have infiltrated every corner of our country. Terrorists have managed to gain control of your email. They have managed to creep through the sewers and into your toilet. They reside with the cobwebs in your attic and the vermin in your basement. A coworker, a friend, a loved one, your child, your pet. Our enemies have assumed the identity of, and been given protection by everyone.

We will pause for a moment so that your brain may fully absorb the fact that everyone you know and everything you see is a vehicle for dirty bombs and destruction, and while we pause, again think about mushroom clouds and nerve gas, but this time also envision being forced to pray in the direction of a place called Mecca (Disney World for terrorists) 34 times a day.

Now this probably sounds dire and it is. This probably sounds like it’s too late also, but it’s not. You, the average American, can do your part in preserving the American way of life. All you have to do is fall into a routine of submission and forfeiture. Being a good American is all about the ideals of submission and forfeiture. I’ll deviate from subject for a moment and give you an example; your weekly paycheck and the all American system of taxation. The Federal Government and its trillion dollar debt doesn’t really need the $67 from your check every week, but they still take it don’t they? Yes they do because freedom, poor people, and failing infrastructure come at a price. In the arena of national security that price means giving up a few minor things. The

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