by Greg W Huffman

Created on: February 22, 2011

Listening to professional athletes attempting to speak intelligently was used as a method of torture on detainees of the war in Iraq and Afghanistan.  This method was deemed cruel and unusual after hearing Mike Tyson's use of the word "ludicrous" over and over again for several hours.

Why do people want to hear what athletes have to say anyway?  Listening to college graduates ramble on about praising God for their efforts while misusing the English language is enough to make the Pope swear like a sailor.  Athletes should perform their sport and keep the exhaust pipe under their nose closed for comments.

We don't care what they are thinking when they hit the game winning home run, we just want them to hit the ball one mile for every million dollars they get paid annually.  We want linebackers to tear the quarterbacks head off without hearing their thoughts on the game. It is assumed that players feel bad after losing a game without actually hearing their Neanderthal voices explain the loss in a play-by-play format - save us the painful dialogue.

To answer the question about why athletes can't speak coherently, you must blame the college from which they graduated.  I can't explain why athletes sound like they're eating peanut butter while trying to formulate a rational thought.  I guess it's an indictment of the colleges and professors that let these athletes slip through the cracks in order to keep players eligible for collegiate play.

These players make millions of dollars to play sports and not for their oratory skills.  Hollywood stars are just as guilty when they want to ramble on about politics instead of acting.  Politicians are entrusted to bring the economy from the grips of bankruptcy, but trying to be funny on Saturday Night Live is what we are left with.

I guess the bottom line is to do what you're paid to do and that's the bottom line.  Flight attendants shouldn't joke about shoe bombs and professional dart throwers shouldn't have cerebral palsy for safety reasons. 

If everyone in the world would quietly accomplish their profession in silence, the world would be a better place.  I don't want to hear explanations or speeches, just show me results.  The next time you hear an athlete slaughter the English language, mute your television and take the time to thank God for allowing you to be poor and yet have the ability to complete a full sentence or rational thought.

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