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Memoirs: My funniest garden experience

by Risa Wolf

Created on: February 20, 2011   Last Updated: April 25, 2012

“Does the fig tree bear fruit?” The man showing us the house smiled at my husband's question, but did not reply.

Well, it was the largest fig tree I had ever seen. In the sadly neglected front garden, you could hardly miss it. It reached above the second floor of the house. I wondered about that smile as we examined both the interior and exterior of the house, but my mind kept wandering back to the garden. It was rather depressing; the only splashes of green in that entire garden were the ivy around the pond and the fig tree. The soil was obviously compacted and not fertile. Wasn't the neglect of the garden indicative of neglect of the house, too? And that fig tree; its spread was huge. Didn't it rather dictate where I could put my vegetable garden?

Stone built and solid, it turned out all the house needed inside was painting, but outside? The tramped down back garden was small and did not get sun, so it did not figure in my musings. I have to have my garden, flowers, vegetables, and fruits. I'd have my work cut out for me if we bought the house. And we did.

Mid-November found us with keys in hand and we entered our 19th-century “new” house. “Hon,” I said to my husband, “we have to find a hardware store., preferably today. ” All right,” he responded, “do you have your list of what we need to buy”? “Sure,” was my answer. “Let's see it.”

The list read: spade, shovel, rake, hoe, pickaxe, tree saw, fertilizer, and two 40 foot garden hoses.

“Uh, what about paint?”

“Oh, I knew I forgot something. 10 gallons white water-based emulsion for the interior and 5 gallons chocolate brown enamel for the shutters, front door, and gate.”

After some grumbling on my part, painting – purchase and work - was completed first, furniture arrived, and, finally, I was able to get to the garden. It was barren and dead-looking, except for the fig tree and the area around the pond. (Did I forget to mention that the pond was filled with goldfish and the rocks and ivy around it were a haven for frogs?) I could plan the garden from scratch. Paper and pencil in hand, laying out the garden began.

 Unlike peach, pear, plum or apricot trees, you can't plant daffodils around the base of a fig tree – or vegetables nearby. The roots of this tree had clearly depleted the soil far beyond its canopy. The vegetable garden had to be as far away as possible from the fig tree.

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