by Ashley Peake

Created on: February 15, 2011   Last Updated: February 16, 2011

Three things important in any relationship are security, trust, and love.  This applies to the relationship you have with your baby as well as your romantic relationship.  Without these things, babies can become fussy, clingy, and generally miserable.  Making your baby feel secure, showing him or her she can trust you to care for her, and most importantly, loving them beyond reason are the hallmarks of being a good mother. 

Making sure your baby feels secure has many benefits.  Your baby will in general be happier and have less anxiety, cry less, learn to trust you, and even sleep better!  Gentle touches and soothing sounds all help your baby feel secure in its environment.  Changing baby before their diaper becomes to wet, keeping them snug and warm, cuddling and humming to them.  All of these things are great ways to make your infant feel secure and contribute to better sleeping patterns.  A wet, chilly, or lonely baby will cry for you to help, disrupting their sleep and yours.  Consistently and promptly answering their cry and attending to whatever is making them uncomfortable builds trust.  Being able to trust that you will always attend to their needs is the foundation their security is built on.

Touch is so important for a baby.  Nothing compares to their mother’s gentle caresses.  Swaddling is another way to make a baby feel secure.  In the womb your baby did not have much space, his or her arms and legs were pressed to their body, swaddling imitates the womb environment.  Have you ever noticed an infant suddenly throwing its arms out with a wild look in his eyes?  This is called “startling”, the infant suddenly feels as if he is falling.  This can happen even in their sleep causing them to wake up frightened.  Swaddling prevents infants from feeling this sensation by wrapping them up tightly. It also reminds baby of the womb helping them relax and sleep peacefully.

Some people may tell you that by picking up your baby when he or she cries can “spoil” them.  Responding to your babies cries and attending to his or her needs is not spoiling them, its called love.  A baby has not developed the mental skills needed to be manipulative and therefore cannot be spoiled.  Babies cry because that is their only means of communication.  In simple terms, your baby is crying because it has a need to be met.  Whether that need is a clean diaper, food, or simply attention.  Babies are capable of loneliness too.  They crave our touch and attention.  Especially under six months of age a babies needs are not distinguished from their wants.  Once your baby is a little older, you can begin some form of helping them distinguish the two. An eight month old may want to chew on an electrical cord.  She cries when you take it away but is comforted when you give her a teething ring.  She begins to learn that you will not always give her what she wants but you still love her and care for her need.  In this case, her need is to chew on something. 

By doing these things, you are teaching your baby that he or she can trust you to be there and take care of them.  They feel secure in your love for them and the world around them.  Secure babies are happy babies.  Providing the above and coupling that with the security of establishing babies routine will set the stage for a peaceful night for baby and you!

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