by Amelia Wiederaenders

Created on: February 15, 2011   Last Updated: February 16, 2011

In modern culture we are bombarded with sexual references, images and messages.  Sex is never far from the mind naturally, but with the constant blast we constantly encounter from the media, sex has become embedded into our cranium.  For young people wanting to be accepted and fit in, sex brings a new world of trouble.  The modern teenager constantly receives a mixture of messages about sex.  On one hand there are those that preach abstinence until marriage.  On the other hand, there is the media’s constant portrayal of sex and their friends peer pressure. 

Although life is hard for all teenagers, it is uniquely challenging for girls.  Most abstinence messages are especially targeted at young women.  Many girls who do choose to have sex early are called derogatory names and ridiculed.  Why would a girl want to have sex?  Because boys are not given the same messages and many girls feel that in order to get the attention of a boy they have to have sex.  It is an unfair truth in the lives of young women; you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. 

So as parents and mentors, how are we to help these young women through this difficult stage of life?  First, empower our girls.  Let them know they are worth being treated well, even if they choose to have sex.  Teach them what they should tolerate from other people and what they shouldn’t. They are worthwhile and don’t need sex to get a boyfriend.  If a girl has self- respect, she is more likely to wait until she’s older to have sex.

Second, teach her about safe sex without judgment.  Explain that there are drawbacks to having sex, but that through protection one can navigate around those dangers.  If you emphasize only the bad, then it will feel like you are against them having sex. 

Lastly, tell them about your experience.  If you chose to wait for love and had a good experience, them let them know that.  If you feel your first time was a mistake, tell them why.  It may be uncomfortable to talk about these things, but your personal experience is important to conveying them the realities of sex.  Despite what you might think, teenagers are more willingly to listen to such gruesome tales if told from a place of honesty. 

The teen years are difficult enough as it is, from emerging body parts, squeaky voices to acne -ridden faces.  But sex does not have to be as big of a point of contention as it often is with today’s youth.  

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