by Shane Gray

Created on: February 15, 2011

A new company named ilove has released it's first application just in time for Valentines day. The program is an application that allows owners to purchase digital flowers and chocolate for their iphone. Given the large amount of consumers that seem to prefer their iphone to actual human contact; the founder of ilove figured he couldn't lose. He couldn't have been more right about that. After one day on the market ilove is already making more money than General motors has in an entire fiscal year....but then again...that's not hard to do.

Coincidentally, Don Lipschitz, The founder of ilove had worked for General Motors up until a year ago; when he was fired for making way too much sense. Lipschitz was the man who suggested that in order save money on production; GM should release a southern version of all models of their vehicles that had no low beams, seatbelts, or turn signals, citing that statistically; they were useless equipment on that side of the Mason/Dixon line anyway. Lipschitz's wife divorced him not long after he lost his job citing the fact that he was apparently having an affair with his iphone. "She left too early!"  Lipschitz told us with a chuckle.

The infatuation with his iphone lost Lipschitz his wife, and most of his close friends. Donny Walburton, former long time friend had this to say "Most people these days insist on showing you pictures of their kids, or their retarded looking dog on their phone....Don would make people look at picures of his iphone....ON HIS IPHONE...how the hell did he even manage that?". The sad thing is that Don is not alone. The national figure for iphone related divorces has gone up 86.76% over the last 5 years. Don Lipschitz however was not going to be deterred, Don had an idea "and my ex-wife gave it to me" Lipschitz said. She said on the way out the door "You don't ever buy me flowers anymore. Why don't you buy flowers for your stupid phone" and then he said with a grin "the lightbulb clicked on in my brain". He took his savings out of the bank, liquidated all of his assets, and used the money to buy equiptment, hire employees, and rent a small office space. ilove was off the ground within the week.

We spoke to Steve Setzler from Chicago, IL about his recent online purchase of ilove, and Steve said "It's about damn time somebody thought of this. When I purchased my first iphone 3 years ago...I realized that it was the relationship I had been waiting for my whole life. Now I can show her how much I love her. Who needs a woman...I have actually petitioned to mary my iphone...and I'm not the only one. Our numbers grow every damn day man...sooner or later the state of Illinois will cave...I bet we get the right to marry before gay people do...hell some of us are gay people." When asked what he planned to do about the more physical aspects of marriage his reply was "They've got an app for that".

According to Don Lipschitz ilove does indeed have an app for that, and soon will have an app for other things as well. He told us they are bridging gaps, and this will be apparent with the release of a new program they have in development. The program will be called iprogeny. For now it's flowers and candy, tomorrow it may be a child with it's mommie's touch screen, and it's daddies eyes. This reporter's first thought when faced with the mental image of this; was that playing with your digital offspring's touch screen would be more than just a little creepy, but Lipschitz just waved his hands placatingly and said "It's a perfectly normal, natural thing...besides imolest doesn't get released until 2015." 

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