by Ashley Peake

Created on: February 13, 2011   Last Updated: February 15, 2011

You will often hear people say that being a mother is the hardest job in the world.  Those people have obviously never been a stepmother.  Raising your children to be well-adjusted adults is no easy feat, imagine trying to do so with children not your own who may not even like you.  Today’s stepmother has her work cut out for her and finding the support system she will need is not easy.

We all grew up with the fairy tale about the wicked old stepmother but the stepmoms of today are not the same.  Today’s stepmom is a woman trying her best to raise children not her own that may resent her, treat her horribly, and possibly down right hate her.  The negative impact on children from divorce is well known. Adding that in with having to deal with their father remarrying and the results could be a catastrophe.  Even in the ideal situation issues between children and their stepmother still crop up. 

Having someone to bounce ideas off, vent to, or even cry to is crucial in order for a stepmom to stay sane.  Their husband’s support is the most important in order for a peaceful home.  Too often, this is the one found most lacking.  The kid’s consider the stepmom the outsider and sometimes they see her as the obstacle keeping their parents apart even if this is far from the truth.  The children’s parents have already established their authority over the kids.  Unless her husband firmly supports her, she will never be able to establish her authority with the kids.  If her husband does not support her, stand firmly beside her on matters pertaining to discipline, and respect the children will not feel they have to obey or respect her. 

Fathers may feel guilty over the divorce and splitting up the home so they allow their children to do or say things they should be punished for.  Too often, stepchildren are blatantly rude and disrespectful to their stepmothers, and if their father does not demand they treat their stepmother with respect, the situation will get worse.  This often creates feelings of resentment in the stepmother towards her husband and her stepchildren.  Especially if the stepmother has children of her own or children with her new husband, she faces the added frustrations of raising a blended family. 

In a blended family, the step kids could resent the stepmom’s biological kids or vice versa.  Having a baby with the step kids’

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