by Cathy Wilson

Created on: February 12, 2011

Mark Twain once said, 'If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything!'  Humorous yes, and it also makes a lot of sense.  

Now we all know that telling the truth is the right thing to do, but is it always the wisest?  I think not, and here's why...

The truth of the matter is, being honest can better or ruin a relationship, depending upon the intent.  Is the truth about an opinion?  For example, when your friend asks if you like her new hair cut, and you don't, your honest answer would be unloving.  Not important enough to benefit from telling the truth.  

Truth is fact, not opinion.  A fact would be that I am thirty-eight years old, an opinion is that I hate your red hair.  Situation is also important in the matter at hand.  Let's say your friend just lost their job and it's really depressing being around them.  You telling them the truth about how you are feeling would be unsupportive and uncaring.  Here you need not tell the truth.  The truth would not help you or your friend feel better, there would be nothing to gain.  

Furthermore, your intent needs to stem from honesty with yourself.  Are you using truth to manipulate another or enhance a relationship?  Are you using the truth to be loving to yourself and others?  Not saying the truth about what you are feeling, in fear of hurting another, often arises.  We end up tolerating an action to avoid conflict.  

Ultimately in these circumstances we need to learn to speak the truth and deal with the reaction or consequences of the other person.  This is very difficult and comes down to loving yourself.  Do not be offended by another's opinion or reaction.  

Often we will withhold our truth in order to avoid facing the truth.  For example we may not communicate to our partner that we don't like sex in the morning, for fear of rejection.  What we need to understand is that if a person cares for us they will accept and support our truths.  If they don't, then we need to accept it and move on. 

When we finally learn to be true to ourselves and others with the right intent, we will know deep down that we are a better person for it and in fact are the best person we can be.  So have your intent to be truthful and allow yourself flexibilities when it comes to opinions and hurting others.  The truth doesn't always have to hurt.

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