by AuthorsLegacy

Created on: February 08, 2011

Sometimes there are days that we wish would just end...much like a viral infection you never asked for. Then, there are other days - the kind we wish could stay the same forever. Life is comprised of the perfect combination of the two...sometimes the bad outweigh the good. To avoid being drug down by those times, it takes something very simple. Make as many memories as you can in those good moments...like they’re never going to end. That’s what I have chosen to do...

I am going to live each day like I have everything to lose - I shall cherish every moment - I will love with all of my heart. It takes a lot for me to make such a drastic change. After all, I am the backbone of my family’s existence...I am strength...I am control. Over the past year, I have become vulnerable. This is something that I’ve never experienced before - not this type of vulnerability. We all have our weak moments and times where we don’t know what to do. This is different...this scares me...but, vulnerable I shall remain.

At some point in time, the wall surrounding my life was climbed. This is something I told you and your reply I expected...I combated it with my own response. For the wall was never destroyed, my dear...you carried enough love with you to climb it...the wall still remains and you’re sheltered safely inside. That is something that has always been under my control, I have since lost control. What you have brought into my life is an understanding that to be safe...I don’t always have to be guarded. If I let you protect me...if I let you love me...my life will be complete. It was an obstacle that I spent a long time trying to hide from - fear wouldn’t let you in...love gave you the power to find another way. 

My life was a downward spiral...although, I admit that - I never once admitted defeat. I could not be conquered, overpowered, or destroyed. What I became was something stronger (or so I thought). The only way to describe what I mean in a way to be understood is this - I stared down the barrel of that gun...I didn’t run...I didn’t cry. What I did do is fight...I fought for my life...for the lives of my children. Victory was mine and no one can ever take that away. Things could have ended differently that day...I know that...I will never accept that. I am here for a reason - and God brought you to me when He knew I needed you the most. 

The years that I’ve been looking over my shoulder - waiting

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