by Melissa R. Bickel

Created on: February 04, 2011   Last Updated: February 08, 2011

It doesn't matter how many children you have or how you deal with each of the kids personalities, it's how you manage too treat them all fairly with those different personalities without causing too much drama in your household. Sometimes it just isn't possible to treat them all equally as age, their gender, and needs are all different, but you can treat them all fairly with the challenges and privileges that come their way. Perhaps then you'll not be hearing the typical fall back grumble, "you love so and so more than me".

Boys and girls require different needs at different stages in life. Trying to parent boys and girls equally will cause riffs in the universe.  The key is to fairly treat your sons and daughters according to their emotional makeup as they go through childhood, teenage years, and then into young adulthood. Regardless sons and daughters do face similar situations in life which can be handled without gender being an issue.

Try giving equal consideration to each needs of your children. For instance,  when your oldest comes to you with a specific problem related to his or her age bracket you deal with it on the level you would for that child's age. Then when your youngest comes along with a totally different problem you give the same amount of attention to the youngest needs, but the situation more than likely will be handle a lot differently than the oldest child's problem was handled.

As children get older there comes privileges and responsibilities the oldest will have that younger siblings might not be ready or able to have or handle, like staying up later at night. Reassuring the other children that as they get older they too will receive these sort of privileges when they reach that specific age, allows let the younger siblings see the fairness in the situation.

The same principles apply to chores. You might need to remind your older children that at one time they too had fewer responsibilities than the youngest. Ask them to remember when they were young, they didn't have the same strength and stamina or even the knowledge of how to do certain things, just as their younger sibling now doesn't have the ability or knowledge to do certain chores.

Assigning chores which correspond with the age and abilities of each child is fair to all involved. You might even bring out that you wouldn't expect each of them to do what you do as a parent. It would be unreasonable for you to ask of them to do all the things parents need to do to maintain a home. By your not expecting them to do as you do, your are treating them all equally and fairly in this instance. This sort of reminder builds visual images in a child's mind that they can relate to and understand.

Making sure as parents that each child gets personal time and family time will go a long way in keeping the home peaceful and free of those little, " that's not fair comments".  Indeed each child is uniquely one as you were growing up.

There isn't a parent manual which guides you along the way regarding equality and fairness in a home, a lot of it is trial and error, but a willing attitude to approach each situation as it comes, with that specific situation in mind, will go a long way in demonstrating to your children you are trying to treat them all with fairness and equality when you can.

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