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Quadragenarian: someone between 40 and 49 years of age - and when I was forty I was looking for a sense of identity and my place in the world. I still felt young and that I had a future but I wasn't quite sure what it was. My children were grown, I was single again, life had options and there seemed to be no hurry. I hated myself because I was "fat", I felt validated when I had "a date", I had lots of energy to work and play, I wasn't afraid of the future and I began a search for esoteric truth having left my traditional religious upbringing behind. I never bothered to explain myself when others got the wrong idea about me and the truth was I really didn't care as long as I knew I was following my own moral truths.

Quinquagenarian: someone between 50 and 59 years of age - and when I was fifty I felt a sense of purposelessness setting in so I went back to school - I wanted to give something back to the world. It was the old integrity vs. despair thing. In the mid 50's I really started to feel the loss of my youth. It was a difficult transition. I looked at photos of my 40's and said "wow I wasn't fat I wish I looked like that now!" and I hated myself because I was fat. I hated the fact that I couldn't wear a sun dress anymore or the high heels that made my legs "look so good". I hated the fact that I was starting to look like the "matron" I said I would never become. My one saving grace was school. School gave me the tools to learn about myself gave me a semblance of purpose and when I completed my masters I started a career in social work.

Sexagenarian: someone between 60 and 69 years of age - and now I am in my sixties. When I buried my parents, I decided I'd better start truly living. So I started my own business doing what I love. I downsized and decided to create a life instead of a living. I looked at photos of me when I was 50 and said "wow I wish I looked like that now!" So now I eat ice cream whenever I want and I accept my body "fat" and all. I don't put off writing the snail mail I always only thought about sending before. I remember birthdays and holidays. I don't save the bubble bath for a special occasion. Everyday is special. I figured out that there is nothing to figure out and that the important thing is to be happy and live everyday to the fullest.

At first I went through a debate with myself about accomplishment vs. failure. And then I read something from the Dali Lama about my only purpose in life is to be happy. I finally reached the conclusion that when I am happy I give the greatest measure of myself back to the world just by being me. I have also realized it is time to love myself and do what I love. I let go of worry because it doesn't solve anything and I enjoy every single moment of every single day because I have twenty good years left and they won't last very long in fact I have no guarantee they will even last until tomorrow. I am happier now than I have ever been.

Learn more about this author, Judith Campanaro.
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