by Tracey Parece

Created on: January 30, 2011   Last Updated: January 31, 2011

It is a sad fact of life that many women suffer miscarriages.  If a friend or family member loses an unborn baby, you may find yourself wondering how to comfort someone after a miscarriage.  Here are some guidelines to help you during this type of situation.

Your approach to comforting someone who has had a miscarriage will need to be tailored to fit the individual's needs.  Some women do want to talk about their feelings and what they experienced physically during a miscarriage.  Other women may actually prefer not to discuss the situation. 

If a woman does want to share her feelings, be a good listener, but do not tell her how to feel.  The time after a miscarriage is a time of grief, and no woman wants to be told to move on.  Grief takes as long as it takes, so don't try to rush someone's feelings.  Assure the woman that everything she is feeling is valid, because it is.

If a woman does not want to talk about her miscarriage, respect her decision.  Don't try to force someone to share her feelings with you.  If you sense that someone does not want to talk about it, let the matter rest.  It's acceptable to let her know that you are willing to listen whenever she is ready, but then leave the decision in her hands.

No one approach will work with every woman.  Some women may be comforted by hearing stories of other women's experiences with miscarriage, but other women may appreciate hearing how other women survived the grief that often accompanies miscarriage.  It's important to pay attention to her response and adjust your approach accordingly.

It is also important to be strong when you are trying to support someone who has lost an unborn child.  Although you may be tempted to become emotional, it is better to remain as calm as possible.  It is good to show empathy, but you do not want to exacerbate the situation.  If you do not feel that you can remain calm and strong while attempting to provide comfort, then you might not be the right person to help in this situation.

You may want to review the The Kübler-Ross model, also known as the five stages of grief.  It is normal for a woman who has experienced a miscarriage to go through the cycle of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.  However, if your friend or family member is exhibiting excessive levels of depression, you might want to suggest gently that she seek professional help. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model

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