by Melody Hearndon

Created on: January 30, 2011   Last Updated: September 12, 2011

Toxic relationships are relationships that continually cause you emotional pain. Just being in their presence is upsetting and extremely difficult. You’re thrust into the fight or flight mode, and past resentments, hurtful words, and unpleasant memories flood you all at once. This is what a toxic relationship feels like, and for your own peace of mind, the relationship must come to an end.

Perhaps this toxic person is a friend, co-worker, neighbor, or even worse…a family member. Toxic people are all around us. Initially, you may be unaware of their presence, but they’re certainly aware of yours. It becomes a breeding ground, in which they can burrow into your psyche, and play havoc in your life.

Recognition

To end a toxic relationship, you must first admit its existence. Quite often, people get wrapped up in the idea that eventually the relationship will get better. Toxic relationships are doomed from the start. There are those who bring the worse out in each other, and that’s in part, what a toxic relationship is all about.

A matter of health

Is your health affected by the mere idea that you will be in the same vicinity as this “toxic” person? Can you feel your blood pressure starting to rise? Does their presence cause you physical pain? Heart palpitations, anxiety, sweaty palms, unnecessary stress are but a few symptoms brought about by unhealthy toxic relationships.

Resolve

When ending a toxic relationship, resolve is about what’s best for you. Does this mean you don’t love this toxic person? Does this mean you can’t acknowledge this persons existence or presence? Resolving all of the aforementioned is part of what it takes to not only end the relationship, but to come full circle, and remain true to yourself.

Be Honest

Perhaps you can be honest with this “toxic” person and express how you feel, and why you feel the way you do? It may not change anything, but the desire to be honest should override the desire to be hurtful and or mean. In the end, unkind words, raised voices, and slamming doors won’t matter. It only matters that you do what’s best for you.

Walk away

There are times when all you can do is walk away. Remove yourself from the situation you know is not in your best interest. It’s not a matter of defeat. It’s a matter of survival, and survival is your responsibility, no matter the circumstances. We can not change another person. We can not always change our circumstances, but we can change how we react to others, and therein lies the truth.

In conclusion

We are the sum of our choices. Perhaps you’ve been dealt truly difficult circumstances? Perhaps these circumstances have molded you into something you don’t recognize? There is a much larger picture in the end. It’s what you decide to see that’s remaining, not necessarily what you want to see.

Does it mean that toxic people and toxic relationships are “unlovable?” You can love one another from a distance, even if it’s interrupted by circumstances. The distance between is there for a reason, irregardless of who or what put it there. It’s not meant to diminish how you feel. It’s meant to safeguard your heart. 

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