by Valerie Johnson

Created on: January 30, 2011

No death is “easy” to deal with or accept.  Those closest to the deceased feel an overwhelming curtain of grief wash over them that can leave them feeling lost, fearful and alone among many other emotions.  If the deceased died as a result of a suicide, the anger that normally accompanies grief is intensified, sometimes a thousandfold.  The loved ones that remain must not only deal with normal grief associated with losing a loved one, they also face a possible lifetime of unanswered questions and feelings of guilt that they are somehow responsible for the death of their loved one.

There are many ways to conduct a funeral depending on location, ethnicity, religion or the wishes of the deceased.  However a funeral is conducted, its purpose is universal, a ceremony  held in accordance with local customs and beliefs following the death of a person.  For me personally, I see a funeral as a celebration of the life that the deceased lived.

I have, as have many others, attended many funerals throughout my lifetime.  The causes of death of those honored at these funerals range from natural causes to murder to suicide.  What I find most intriguing about this subject is that at each funeral I have attended, the cause of death has never been discussed, therefore, I have a hard time understanding why anyone would believe that if the cause of death is suicide, then that must be discussed and acknowledged at the funeral.

At a funeral, it is not the cause of the death that is important.  What is important is that the person has died leaving behind numerous family and friends that will miss them and must somehow learn to face each day without them.  Dealing with the cause of death, in my opinion, should be left to smaller, less public times when those left behind can truly deal with their emotions and begin to heal without feeling like they are on display for all to see.

Suicide is a very difficult subject for most people to talk about and many no doubt have their own opinions regarding it.  A funeral is not the time to discuss the moral or religious implications of suicide.  While you may feel very passionate about your beliefs surrounding suicide, unless you have stood on the edge of sanity and looked at what you saw were your only two options, then you do not have the capacity to understand what someone who commits or attempts to commit suicide is truly feeling.

Every life is valuable, no matter what was achieved during a lifetime.  Every life touches another.  When a life is lost, no matter the cause, there needs to be a time when those who have been touched gather to recall the better times and celebrate the life that the deceased lived.  A funeral is a perfect time for a public gathering for just such a purpose.  

I do believe that suicide needs to be a more openly discussed topic that does not carry with it negative social connotations.  However, a funeral is not the place nor the time for this discussion to take place.  Celebrate the life, remember the good times and be thankful that the deceased was a part of your life for the time they were.  Discuss the cause of the death at a different time.

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