by Terry Mahoney

Created on: January 28, 2011

The elevator shuddered and came to a stop with a grinding noise and a flicker of lights. The older gentleman looked up and winced, then glanced over at the man with the catering cart and winced again.

“Buddy, you’re turning greenish. Are you okay?”

Only a low moan escaped from the man with the cart.

“Claustrophobic?” and at that, the younger man nodded, flipping cold sweat from his brow.

The older man looked up in an exaggerated expression of thought and seemed to have a mental conversation. His face was wonderfully expressive; from high forehead to jowls, the whole thing seemed to pulse as he held an internal debate. Then the debate was won; a smile bright and unshakable beamed out, piercing the younger man’s anxiety.

“Kid, we’re going to be here for awhile so if you don’t mind, I’m going to tell a few stories. You see, they’re roasting me tomorrow over at the Friars and its best I get some of the kookier stuff in the open ahead of time.”

His voice was confident, like he had written material for this elevator scene ahead of time.

“It all started back on the BonHomme Richard off the coast of Japan in ’45.”

The story, starting with him as a Marine on an aircraft carrier, bounced through seven decades. Here he played a scheming undertaker out of a Waugh satire, there he had his first TV special, later he was the son of Mork, hatched from a giant egg. He voiced Grandpa Smurf, and told how Smurfette really “took care of” the Smurfs. It ended with an homage to his recently passed wife.

The younger man’s claustrophobia fell away. At the end, he clapped, and the older man seemed to get bashful.

Then they heard a noise, and both looked down at two men in blue coveralls forcing the elevator open. The old man was helped down first, but he grabbed the sleeve of the younger man before the hotel staff could hustle him away.

“Son, all of it was true, expect for that part about Smurfette. That was just for color. The lady who voiced her was a real professional.”

With a wink he let an apologetic concierge escort him off. 

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