by Briar Miller

Created on: January 20, 2011   Last Updated: January 24, 2011

Social development in toddlers is quite complex and a  lot depends upon environment. The bottom line is toddlers who are exposed to social situations, such as playgroups, develop social skills much more quickly than children who just stay at home with a parent all the time. This is one of the most important reasons for joining a playgroup or toddler and parent group. Ages given for the different stages of development are very much approximate. Each child is different and the stages are identified through observation rather than dates.

In earlier life, the toddler will have first learned to differentiate between self and not self. The accepted model of these early stages of differentiation were pioneered by Margaret Mahler (1897 – 1985). For about the first month babies are said to be in the 'autistic' stage where they experience only their own needs and sensations. Next comes the 'symbiotic' stage where they have noticed that there is another person looking after them, but without realising that person is a separate entity. They tend to be fascinated with faces at this stage. At approximately 6 months old babies begin to understand that the carer is actually separate from them. This is called the differentiation stage. Around the same time the baby gets to be more mobile, crawling, then eventually walking. This goes hand in hand with what is known as the rapprochement stage, where the baby can experiment with moving away from the carer, and coming back. Babies at this stage will need a lot of reassurance that the carer won't just disappear as soon as their backs are turned! The idea that an object ( or person) still exists when the baby can not see it, is quite a complex cognitive one and is learned primarily through experience. You can see from this that social development can not be regarded in isolation but is closely tied in with other types of development ie physical and cognitive. .

For this reason, it is important not to expect too much too early in terms of social development in toddlers. Taking a young toddler who is still working through the rapprochement stage to a nursery and leaving them there can be very traumatic and counter productive. Crucially, between 2 and 3, toddlers are consolidating their awareness of their own individuality and are prone to separation anxiety. For younger toddlers it is better to introduce the society of other children in a more informal setting, where the carer stays with the child, such as

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