by Nicole Baptist

Created on: January 16, 2011

Is it really possible for married couples to have a friendly divorce? Divorce is never easy for the parties involved. The problems and emotions that lead to the decision to end your marriage may create an environment too hostile for each person to act in a logical and rational manner when making the final efforts to bring closure to the marriage. However, if you and your partner are willing to make some great efforts on ending the marriage on a level of civility which would allow each of you to later develop a more amenable way of dealing with one another (especially when children are involved) it is worth the effort to make an attempt at having a “friendly” divorce rather than a vicious brawl of meditations and courtroom appearances.

If you are able to speak to one another in those moments where emotions are not running high, accusations are not flying in the air, and the brief glimpse of the good qualities you saw in that personal (the ones that bought you together initially) are visible suggest divorce counseling. You may say that you have tried counseling or you may be under the impression that you do not need a counselor to assist you with ending your marriage. However, a therapist can provide a neutral party to hear and evaluations (through all the emotions) terms at which both parties are willing to agree on or at the very least negotiate about. When the courts are left to making the decisions regarding your divorce someone always feels short-sided causing more tension moving you away from your goal for complete resolve and on the road toward healing. However, if you have a counselor involved who has assessed and assisted each party in obtaining most things desired (be advised no party will get everything they want but at least you can have most things if you agree prior to going to court) and the recommendation is given to the judge he is more likely to accept the terms agreed upon outside of court and making the divorce decree based on the evaluation of the therapist.

You and your spouse may not be completely happen with all the terms of the divorce but knowing most of your requests or even a third of your concerns have been addressed is much better than having a judge orchestrating the entire divorce settlement based on his desecration with little or no information on what neither party truly wants to end the marriage. Remember, if children are involved, you are being watched and the way you treat your partner during the dissolution of your marriage makes an impression on your child (ren) and how they should handle future intimate relationships and friendships. You want to be the best example to them and provide them an image of civility and humbleness even when you may have end your marriage in divorce.

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